Responsibility vs. Guilt

The previous post touched on the futility of blame, whether directed towards others or to oneself.  More thinking and talking about self-blame, or guilt/shame, made me realize that the concept of responsibility is muddled with the concept of guilt.

Now, certainly there is a connection between the two:  If someone is guilty, we hold them responsible for their actions.  This connection, however, is not an identity.  Guilt is in the past, while responsibility is in the present/future.  When a tragedy happens, it is natural to look for someone to blame.  However, blaming leaves all parties disempowered to move forward and find solutions.  Self-blame feels morally superior, but is ultimately just as disempowering.  Assuming guilt gives rise to feelings of shame, and then avoidance of the situation.  On rare occasions shame can be an impetus to action, but this is the exception, not the rule.

Moreover, the person taking responsibility is frequently NOT the "guilty" party.  If a small child makes a mess, s/he is unlikely to "take responsibility" for cleaning up.  The parent will take the initiative to say "Uh oh, made a mess, time to clean up!" as well as to involve the child in the cleanup in age-appropriate ways.  A good parent will use this as an opportunity not just to take responsibility for cleaning up, but for teaching the child.  As the child grows, s/he ideally learns to take on more of this responsibility independently.  But the child cleaning up alongside the parent is not an example of taking responsibility, but learning responsibility.  A guilt-based response might be a spanking or other punishment for making the mess, which is not as effective.

Jewish tradition gives us one full day a year to indulge in guilt.  Yom Kippur is one of the most widely observed holidays in Judaism.  The daily prayers, however, focus on positive actions in our everyday lives: gratitude, charity, productiveness, justice and so on.  Even the section focusing on "transgressors" emphasizes that we pray for their reformation, not punishment.

In what areas of your life are guilt and shame holding you back from taking positive action?

In what areas of your life are you ready and willing to take responsibility?

(Almost) A New Year

This morning I prayed the Amidah, and an incredible feeling came over me.

I got to the Blessing of the Year:


Bless for us, L-rd our G‑d, this year and all the varieties of its produce for good; and bestow (During the summer season say:) blessing (During the winter season say: dew and rain for blessing) upon the face of the earth. Satisfy us from Your bounty and bless our year like other good years, for blessing; for You are a generous G‑d who bestows goodness and blesses the years. Blessed are You L-rd, who blesses the years.


You see, the Jewish year 5772 ends today at sundown, when the shofar sounds during the evening Rosh Hashanah service that the Gates of Heaven open up for the High Holy Days.  Only a few hours left of "this year".  And yet, let us bless this year -- even now -- let us welcome the bounty and blessing that can come even in these next few hours.  Even as this year fades, let us be open to all the varieties of its produce as they are bestowed upon us by our generous G*d.

Shanah Tovah!

Amidah - conclusion

Traditionally, the Amidah is concluded with the following meditation:

My G‑d, guard my tongue from evil and my lips from speaking deceitfully. Let my soul be silent to those who curse me; let my soul be as dust to all. Open my heart to Your Torah, and let my soul eagerly pursue Your commandments. As for all those who plot evil against me, hasten to annul their counsel and frustrate their design. Let them be as chaff before the wind; let the angel of the L-rd thrust them away. That Your beloved ones may be delivered, help with Your right hand and answer me. Do it for the sake of Your Name; do it for the sake of Your right hand; do it for the sake of Your Torah; do it for the sake of Your holiness. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable before You, L-rd, my Strength and my Redeemer.

He who makes peace in His heavens, may He make peace for us and for all Israel; and say, Amen.

Having just beseeched G*d to take care of us, and thanked and praised G*d for everything we are and everything we have, we might be on a bit of a "spiritual high".  That's good, but we don't want that to go to our heads.  We want to temper that high with humility.  Let us be humble, and let G*d take care of the things we might be tempted to be self-righteous about.  Let G*d frustrate the designs of those who plot against us.  We must stay focused on doing right, and peace will follow.

Amidah - part 18 - Peace

We end with a prayer for peace:

Bestow peace, goodness and blessing, life, graciousness, kindness and mercy, upon us and upon all Your people Israel. Bless us, our Father, all of us as one, with the light of Your countenance. For by the light of Your countenance You gave us, L-rd our G‑d, the Torah of life and loving-kindness, righteousness, blessing, mercy, life and peace. May it be favorable in Your eyes to bless Your people Israel, at all times and at every moment, with Your peace.

Blessed are You L-rd, who blesses His people Israel with peace.

To my shock I was not able to find a YouTube video featuring the melody I know to this.  There are so many traditional and modernized melodies!  Here is one:

Amidah - part 17 - Thanksgiving

What do we give thanks for each day?

We thankfully acknowledge that You are the L-rd our G‑d and G‑d of our fathers forever. You are the strength of our life, the shield of our salvation in every generation. We will give thanks to You and recount Your praise, evening, morning and noon, for our lives which are committed into Your hand, for our souls which are entrusted to You, for Your miracles which are with us daily, and for Your continual wonders and beneficences. You are the Beneficent One, for Your mercies never cease; the Merciful One, for Your kindnesses never end; for we always place our hope in You.

1. We are grateful for having a G*d that is steadfast - forever!
2. Strength of our life
3. Our lives
4. Our souls
5. Everyday miracles
6. Mercy and kindness

Pretty open-ended, eh?  Gratitude is not to be limited to a finite list.  (1) and (2) come into play when we need perseverance in the face of adversity.  (3) is a reminder of the preciousness of life itself.  I see (4) as referring to our children, who come through us but not from us. (5) reminds us to pay attention to the miracles of every day, from the timeless beauty of nature, to the timely wonders of modern technology.  Finally, (6) reminds us to notice mercy and kindness, not only G*d's, but in our fellow man.

And for all these, may Your Name, our King, be continually blessed, exalted and extolled forever and all time. And all living things shall forever thank You, and praise Your great Name eternally, for You are good. G‑d, You are our everlasting salvation and help, O benevolent G‑d. Blessed are You L-rd, Beneficent is Your Name, and to You it is fitting to offer thanks. 

Amidah - part 16 - Service

How is the concept of religious service related to the concept of prayer?

 Look with favor, L-rd our G‑d, on Your people Israel and pay heed to their prayer; restore the service to Your Sanctuary and accept with love and favor Israel's fire-offerings and prayer; and may the service of Your people Israel always find favor. 

May our eyes behold Your return to Zion in mercy. Blessed are You L-rd, who restores His Divine Presence to Zion. 

Certainly this section begins in the same spirit as the previous: Asking for favorable response to our prayers.  Then, however, it turns more specifically to the restoration of the ancient temple-services in Jerusalem (Zion).  This is a reminder that the entire Amidah prayer was specifically instituted as a substitute for the temple services when the temple was destroyed, first in 586 BCE by Babylon, and then in 70 CE by Rome.  Both events took place, as prophesied, on the 9th day of the month of Av, which was observed about 3 weeks ago.  The loss of the temple and its impact on the Jewish people is hard to comprehend by modern observers.  However, we were able to re-live it when Israel undertook to rescue the beleaguered Jews of Ethiopia in 1991.  This community had been exiled from Israel before the destruction of  the first Temple.  When they arrived in Israel, their first and foremost wish was to be taken to the Temple that they may offer their Thanksgiving.  Upon hearing that there was no Temple, that it had lain in ruins for many centuries, they mourned with utter abandon.

It is with this frame of mind that we must read this section.  We pray that our prayers be accepted in lieu of the ancient fire-offerings.  In fact, we must pray as though we are making an actual sacrifice.  A sacrifice is an expression of love.  It is a statement of our priorities.  A sacrifice, properly made, is a declaration that the object of our love - G*d - is a higher priority to us than the material value being sacrificed. We are asking here for our priorities to be set straight, in order to restore the meaning of the Temple service.

It is said that the Temple was destroyed due to the internal strife among Jewish factions.  Again, a loss of priorities, as well as a loss of love.

So how is this section related to the previous one?  In the previous section, we asked G*d to listen favorably to our prayers.  Here we ask for help in ordering our priorities, help in prayer and service such that we will be deserving of such favor.  When we have our priorities in order, when we treat each other with love and willingly sacrifice material comforts for the sake of relationships which are more valuable - both with G*d and with each other - then the divine Presence is restored among us.

Amidah - part 15 - Hear our Prayers

Here we pray for our prayers to be heard:

Hear our voice, L-rd our G‑d; merciful Father, have compassion upon us and accept our prayers in mercy and favor, for You are G‑d who hears prayers and supplications; do not turn us away empty-handed from You, our King, for You hear the prayer of everyone. Blessed are You L-rd, who hears prayer.

But if He  "hears the prayer of everyone",  why do we need to ask Him to "hear our voice"?

Well, we are asking for a good deal more than a "hearing":

* Compassion
* Acceptance
* Mercy
* Favor
* Do not turn us away empty-handed

2 ways to look at this: 

First, we acknowledge that any response by G*d is, in fact a response.  We have been heard.  Our requests may of may not find "favor" and "acceptance", but instead be met with "compassion" and "mercy".  Either way, we will not be "turned away empty-handed".

Second, we once again look at these blessings as instruction on how to live a G*dly life.  To listen to others as G*d listens to us.  We need not say "yes" to all requests that others make of us, but we should respond with some combination of these attitudes, so that the others are not "turned away empty-handed".  Our "No"'s should be tempered with compassion and mercy, and our "Yes"'es graced with acceptance and favor.


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An aside: "Hear our voice" can be taken to remind us to pray out loud.  Prayers said in full voice have more impact than those merely thought inside our head.  Not because G*d will hear them better, but because we will.  When we say something out loud, we make a commitment to it and are more likely to act towards its fulfillment.  If we speak it out loud in a community, then the whole community holds each other accountable.

Amidah - part 14 - Jerusalem

Here we pray for the glory of Jerusalem, for the kingship of David's descendants, and for resulting salvation.

Return in mercy to Jerusalem Your city and dwell therein as You have promised; speedily establish therein the throne of David Your servant, and rebuild it, soon in our days, as an everlasting edifice. Blessed are You L-rd, who rebuilds Jerusalem. Speedily cause the scion of David Your servant to flourish, and increase his power by Your salvation, for we hope for Your salvation all day. Blessed are You L-rd, who causes the power of salvation to flourish.

This has been part of daily Jewish prayers since before the time of Jesus.  Jerusalem has been the capital of the Jewish people even when we were scattered among the nations (although there was always a Jewish presence in Israel, as well).  When will the United States government show true leadership in recognizing this fact?

Amidah - part 13 - The Righteous

This section is also a bit complicated:

May Your mercies be aroused, L-rd our G‑d, upon the righteous, upon the pious, upon the elders of Your people, the House of Israel, upon the remnant of their sages, upon the righteous proselytes and upon us. Grant ample reward to all who truly trust in Your Name, and place our lot among them; may we never be disgraced, for we have put our trust in You. Blessed are You L-rd, the support and security of the righteous.

Who are these "Righteous"?

The prayer identifies six categories of deserving individuals: (1) Tzaddikim – the righteous, those motivated by justice, who are meticulous in mitzvos; (2) Chasidim – the pious, those motivated by love, who go beyond the letter of the law; (3) Ziknei Amcha – the elders of the nation, the spiritual leaders of the people; (4) Pleitas Sofreihem – the remnant of the nation’s teachers, those select few who dedicate their lives to teaching Torah; (5) Geirei HaTzedek – sincere converts, who left their old lives behind to cling to the Jewish people; and (6) Aleinu – us, the simple but well-meaning Jews, even if we’re nothing special. We pray that all of these, including ourselves, enjoy God’s mercy.

In praying this, I usually focus on the last 2 lines.  Trust, support, security that G*d will protect us in our struggles for righteousness.

Amidah - part 12 - "Minnim"

The next blessing is a bit complicated.  It is believed to have been introduced after the inception of Christianity, and partly in response to it:


Let there be no hope for informers, and may all wickedness instantly perish; may all the enemies of Your people be speedily extirpated; and may You swiftly uproot, break, crush and subdue the reign of wickedness speedily in our days. Blessed are You L-rd, who crushes enemies and subdues the wicked.

Since Christianity splits the identity of G*d into the Trinity, it represented a form of heresy to mainstream Judaism. There have been many others since then.

Instead of sectarian conflict, I choose to see this blessing as a channeling of our negative emotions towards our enemies, real or perceived.  Note that it is the wickedness which should perish -- not the enemies themselves!  We do not wish death upon our enemies: We wish for them to be cut off, subdued, and turned to righteousness.

How timely in this season of political and religious conflict!

Amidah - part 11 - Justice

After talking about Freedom, we talk about the other side of Freedom -- Justice.

Restore our judges as in former times, and our counsellors as of yore; remove from us sorrow and sighing, and reign over us, You alone, O L-rd, with kindness and compassion, with righteousness and justice. Blessed are You L-rd, King who loves righteousness and justice.


Depending on what is going on, I think of this blessing either as a social or personal meditation:


1. Social -- Praying for a system of justice that will protect the freedoms we have already prayed for.  
2. Personal -- Praying for a relationship with my parents which is free from worry and guilt.

Amidah - part 10 - Freedom

Yesterday, Susanna Musser made another plea for prayers on behalf of an anonymous "warrior".

I think today's section of the Amidah is an appropriate response:

Sound the great shofar for our freedom; raise a banner to gather our exiles, and bring us together from the four corners of the earth into our land. Blessed are You L-rd, who gathers the dispersed of His people Israel.

The shofar (ram's horn) was traditionally sounded as a battle cry.  Think Joshua and the walls of Jericho. It would both rally the troops and intimidate the enemy.



Today, this sound is heard primarily on the Jewish High Holidays - Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, when they are intended to "open the gates of Heaven" to the people's prayers, as well as to awaken the people themselves to the urgency of repentance.   Again, both a "defense" and an "offense" purpose.

The blessing specifically calls for the shofar to sound for freedom, as well as for bringing in the exiles, and unifying the people in their land.  Although in Biblical times it was used to conquer the Promised Land, this was an exception, for an exceptional situation, and not to be used except when specifically and divinely ordained. In our daily prayers, this powerful call is to be used for liberation, not oppression or conquest. 

As an aside, the blessing also refers to "carrying a banner".  This, again, used to be a military practice to identify troop movements.  Today we see banners in parades, demonstrations, and sporting events.  The word for "banner", however, is "ness", which also means "miracle".  The banner under which we liberate and gather the exiles is not simply a military metaphor, but a miracle.

Amidah - part 9 - Blessing the year

Next, the Amidah reminds us that every day is like New Year's.  Think, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life."  We bless the coming year.  We re-commit ourselves to "New Year's Resolutions" each and every day.

Bless for us, L-rd our G‑d, this year and all the varieties of its produce for good; and bestow (During the summer season say:) blessing (During the winter season say: dew and rain for blessing) upon the face of the earth. Satisfy us from Your bounty and bless our year like other good years, for blessing; for You are a generous G‑d who bestows goodness and blesses the years. Blessed are You L-rd, who blesses the years.

...and of course, thank G*d for helping us to fulfill on these commitments.

Amidah - part 8 - Healing

Next, we pray for healing:

Heal us, O L-rd, and we will be healed; help us and we will be saved; for You are our praise. Grant complete cure and healing to all our wounds; for You, Almighty King, are a faithful and merciful healer. Blessed are You L-rd, who heals the sick of His people Israel.

We ask for both physical and emotional/spiritual healing.  I don't really read too much into this one.  This is just a daily reminder to think of who in my life needs a little help.  

I also use it to pray for particularly ill orphans, like Sasha, Tommy and Marsha.

Amidah - part 7 - Redemption

What does the Amidah say about Redemption?

O behold our affliction and wage our battle; redeem us speedily for the sake of Your Name, for You G‑d are the mighty redeemer. Blessed are You L-rd, Redeemer of Israel.

 All G*d needs to do is to see our affliction -- remember slavery in Egypt? -- and He is sure to wage our battle.  No need to whine about it. No need for pity-parties, going into detail about how miserable we are.  He knows. Trusting in His might is half the battle right there.

Now turn this around.  We are created in G*d's image, right?  So....

O behold our affliction and wage our battle; redeem us speedily for the sake of G*d's Name

Whose affliction are we beholding -- or avoiding?
Whose battle are we waging -- or cowering from?
How speedily are we redeeming the afflicted?

Not for our glory or benefit, but for the sake of G*d's name.

Amidah - part 6 - Forgiveness

Continuing with the Amidah!

Right after Repentance, we look at Forgiveness -- related, but distinct concept:

Pardon us, our Father, for we have sinned; forgive us, our King, for we have transgressed; for You are a good and forgiving G‑d. Blessed are You L-rd, gracious One who pardons abundantly.

We are not begging for forgiveness due to any merit of ours, just appealing to G*d's "abundant" grace and forgiveness.

I recently read on a Christian site that the Lord's Prayer is derived from the short form of the Amidah (remember, Jesus was Jewish, and what he taught his disciples was Judaism, no more or less!).  You can certainly see in the treatment of repentance and forgiveness the roots of the Christian understanding of grace.

Amidah - part 5 - Repentence

The fifth blessing of the Amidah:

Cause us to return, our Father, to Your Torah; draw us near, our King, to Your service; and bring us back to You in whole-hearted repentance. Blessed are You L-rd, who desires penitence.

 I first learned the Amidah when I was student teaching, and I would recite it while biking to the McCormick Middle School from my home.  I loved this blessing, because the word for "repentance" or "returning" is the same as the word for "answer": Teshuvah.  We seek answers -- to academic questions as well as to those deep existential ones.  But in the same word that we ask for the answer, we are also asking for the ability to repent, as well as the opening to return to wholeness.  The triple entendre is so rich!

In Hebrew, it sounds like this:

Ha-shi-vei-nu ("return us") A-vi-nu l'to-ra-te-cha, v'ka-r'vei-nu Mal-kei-nu la-a-vo-da-te-cha, v'ha-cha-zi-rei-nu bit-shu-vah sh'lei-mah l'fa-ne-cha. Ba-ruch a-tah A-do-nai, ha-ro-tzeh bit-shu-vah.

Ha-shi-vei-nu ("return us") Our Father, to Your Torah; draw us near, Our King, to Your service, and bring us back  bit-shu-vah ("in repentence") fully before You.  Blessed are You L*rd, who desires t'shu-vah ("repentence"). 

In each place of t'shuvah, substitute "answer" instead of "repentance".   How does that change the meaning of the blessing?

Amidah - Part 4 - Wisdom

In part 4 of the Amidah, we ask for guidance in matters of Wisdom, Knowledge and Understanding:

You graciously bestow knowledge upon man and teach mortals understanding. Graciously bestow upon us from You, wisdom, understanding and knowledge. Blessed are You L-rd, who graciously bestows knowledge.

I have used this to pray for my children when they struggle with school, or when they need to acquire wisdom and sensitivity.  And for myself, for the same reasons....

Last week we told my 12- and 13-year olds about our intention to adopt a child with Down syndrome.  The 13 year old is dead set against it.  The 12 year old is fine with it -- she gets why we would want to do this -- but really, really wants it to be a girl, not a boy.

Please pray for both of them to gain the wisdom, understanding and knowledge they will need as we move forward with this.

Separateness and Holiness

The Shabbat version of the Amidah prayer highlights the notion of  Holiness as Separateness.  The weekday version of the Kedusha (Holiness) blessing also addresses this theme, but includes people in it as well:

You are Holy, and Your name is Holy, and the Holy ones will praise You, Selah!
 
Who are the Holy ones? Who are the people who we separate from? The people who are...different?  Where does holiness come in there?  Are these the Holy ones who will praise G*d?

In ancient times, some Jewish people would take on Nazirite vows, separating themselves from society in order to experience holiness.  Monks and nuns in various religions do the same thing.  What if the separation is imposed from without?  Is holiness to be found in that separation as well?

Most people are uncomfortable around those who are different, especially when the difference is visible, as in the case of racial differences or culturally distinct attire.  People with obvious disabilities are often shunned, without having the social capital of other "different" groups to bridge the gaps.  In this country, we have made tremendous progress in improving the social capital of people with disabilities, as we have done for other minorities.  In many other countries, however, the separateness is legitimized and institutionalized (pun intended). 

Reclaiming these children is a bold statement to the worldview that rejected them:  To the extent they are separated, so shall they be sanctified!  The more they are pushed away, the more G*d draws them near.

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If separation indeed sanctifies, then this boy is nearly a saint:

He has been isolated in his crib for over 15 years. By this time next year, if not adopted, he will be isolated forever in a mental institution like these boys:

....for the rest of his life.

Here he is, fitting in a caretaker's lap:

My 2-year-old is probably bigger than he is.

Will he be pushed away one final time, or will he be reclaimed, loved, and sanctified?

Kedoshim be-khol yom yehalelukha, Selah!

Amidah - Part 3 - Holiness

I was fascinated when I heard this at my Catholic best friend's daughter's First Communion:

Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord of Hosts!  The world is filled with His glory!

Yet this is in fact part of the Shabbat version the third blessing of the Amidah.

What does it mean to be "holy"?  The Hebrew word is "Kadosh".   Several words which are related to it are:

Kiddush: Sanctification of ceremonial wine
Kiddushin: Sacrament of marriage
Kaddish: Blessing said for mourning (as well as on other occasions)
Beit ha-Mikdash: The Holy Temple

Interestingly, another word from the same word is the Biblical word for "cult prostitute": "Keddesha".  This was, of course, in reference to Canaanite pagan practices, not to the worship of G*d as prescribed in the Torah.  However, it does highlight that "holiness" is not necessarily identical with "goodness".  In fact, etymologically, the rood means "separate".  By making something "holy" we set it apart, make it distinct.  There is nothing intrinsically different about the wine -- until we say a blessing about it!  Your intended bride/groom are no different than any other member of the appropriate sex -- until you exchange those vows!  The Kaddish is used primarily for separating sections of the daily service, and its use in mourning is derivative of the mourner's need to pray in the community.  In this sense, it is clear that the "Keddesha" was also "set apart" for a particular purpose.....

Let's reread the blessing with this in mind:

Kadosh, Kadosh, Kadosh Adonai Tzeva'ot  (Separate, separate, separate is the Lord of Hosts)
Melo kol ha-aretz kevodo! (The world is filled with His glory)

We insist three times that G*d is apart -- and yet He fills the whole world.  This is another contradiction embraced by the liturgy.  We at once declare G*d's holiness/separateness, as well as His ubiquity. He is everywhere, even in the most mundane (worldly) places and events.

I am reminded of a story of a rabbi who kept a card in his pocket at all times.  On one side, it said:

I am made of the dust of the earth.

and on the other,

For me the whole universe was created.

In the same way, we can at once see G*d as "above" everything, as well as "within" everything.