Ethics of the Fathers Day 20

Happy Father's Day!!!!

This morning my darling husband and I were reflecting on the miracle of life, and he was quoting somebody or other describing conception as taking the throwaway nocturnal emissions and the contents of menstruation and combining them to produce a perfect creature in the image of G*d. (I'm paraphrasing, but then again, so was he).

This gave me the perfect intro to today's teaching, from the beginning of Chapter 3:

Akavia the son of Mahalalel would say: Reflect upon three things and you will not come to the hands of transgression. Know from where you came, where you are going, and before whom you are destined to give a judgement and accounting. From where you came--from a putrid drop; where you are going--to a place of dust, maggots and worms; and before whom you are destined to give a judgement and accounting--before the supreme King of Kings, the Holy One, blessed be He.

Yes, we are nothing, we come from nothing, and we have infinite possibility before us.

 I hope you enjoyed this series!!!

Ethics of the Fathers Day 19

The liturgical song "Al Shlosha Dvarim" is drawn from Chapter 1:

The world stands on three things: Torah, the service of G-d, and deeds of kindness.

This is the model of Jewish practice:  Study is very important, hence our reputation as "people of the Book".  We also place a great emphasis on prayer, ritual, and practice.  In some cases this leg of the tripod is misunderstood, or taken out of context -- even by the practitioners themselves!  The view of Jews as preoccupied with "excessive laws" comes from this.  But "deeds of kindness" are just as important.  Jews are disproportionately represented in charitable organizations of all sorts.

 I am right now embarking on a project to motivate my faith community to become more involved in the orphan crisis, as part of my participation in the Landmark Education program.   My goal is to create a supportive environment within the congregation which will educate about and advocate for orphans in need, as well as support families who are taking on a special needs adoption.  I hope that this would become a space where families that are able to do so would be motivated to move forward instead of being overwhelmed and alone.

Ethics of the Fathers Day 18

More on my political inclinations from Chapter 1:

Shmaayah would say: Love work, loath mastery over others, and avoid intimacy with the government.

I like that we are advised to both "loath mastery over others" and  "avoid intimacy with the government" -- these are 2 sides of the same coin!  Government IS "mastery over others".  We should avoid setting ourselves up to be ensnared in the love of power, even when it appears to be "legitimate".

Ethics of the Fathers Day 17

We are in an election year, so a bit of my political inclination is in Chapter 2:

Be careful with the government, for they befriend a person only for their own needs. They appear to be friends when it is beneficial to them, but they do not stand by a person at the time of his distress.

Ethics of the Fathers Day 16

I'm tired.  Here is something short and sweet from Chapter 1:

One who does not increase, diminishes.

Is this why I'm pushing, pushing, pushing myself?

Ethics of the Fathers Day 15

In Chapter 3, we read,

One whose deeds exceed his wisdom, his wisdom endures. But one whose wisdom exceeds his deeds, his wisdom does not endure.

Is it "wise" to take on a special needs adoption? NO!  It is risky on so many levels.  But if we let the deed exceed our wisdom, our wisdom will in fact endure.

We are looking into starting a homestudy....

Ethics of the Fathers Day 14

In Chapter 5, we read,

There are four types of contributors to charity. One who wants to give but does not want others to give--is begrudging of others. One who wants that others should give but does not want to give--begrudges himself. One who wants that he as well as others should give, is a chassid. One who want neither himself nor others to give, is wicked.

I find this an interesting commentary on fundraising for special needs adoption.  Fundraising gives others an opportunity to participate in the mitzvah of rescuing an orphan, without demanding that they take the same leap of faith as the adopting parents.  Trying to do it all yourself is not only making your life harder -- but it is begrudging of others, by depriving them of the opportunity to be a part of the miracle.   Likewise, avoiding participation on the grounds of "I'm not called to it" is not necessarily evil, but it is begrudging oneself.  Avoiding a mitzvah is missing an opportunity!

Ethics of the Fathers Day 13

So on a happier note, we have the last line of Chapter 6:

Everything that G-d created in His world, He did not create but for His glory.

My husband is right now attending the Landmark Forum, an intensive 3.5-day seminar where you examine your life and create new possibilities for yourself.  A chance to see everything in G*d's world as it was created - for His glory.  (It is not a religious seminar.  I know devout Christians, orthodox Jews and commited atheists who have attended and found it very useful.  If you are religious, it will resonate with your religious texts, but if you are not, it can stand on its own.)

Ethics of the Fathers Day 12

Oops, I missed yesterday, so I will need to do 2 of these today.

First, to continue with the theme of Friday's post, also from Chapter 1:

Shammai would say: Make your Torah study a permanent fixture of your life. Say little and do much. And receive every man with a pleasant countenance.

In other words, if there is real wrongdoing -- which I am not disputing!  I have no firsthand knowledge one way or the other here -- then taking positive action is better than just talking about it in the blogosphere, and the talking that we do should aim to be civil, and aimed towards said positive action.

For example, in the comments yesterday, I suggested to my anonymous interlocutor that,

• ... if you have an actionable paper trail, you can sue, which would be more effective than just mudslinging back.
• You can also coordinate with other families who had bad experiences and make a class action suit, which would be even more effective.
• Or you can start from the premise that Andrea Roberts is NOT evil, that she is actually trying to do her best and that she sees these circumstances as unfortunate exceptions to a system that works pretty well most of the time.
• From that perspective, you could once again network with other families with bad experiences but instead of counterattacking, approach RR with constructive suggestions on how to improve the process.
• You could even start your own advocacy website, and organize it "the right way". You would probably find that it is a lot harder to create something than it is to criticize someone else's efforts. You might find yourself making difficult ethical decisions. You might find that no matter how you decide them, there will be those who will criticize you for it. 

I am not taking sides here, since I don't know the whole story.   I would just like to assume that everybody involved actually wants to do the right thing, and is sure that any venom that they put out is just "retaliation" for some actual wrongs that have been committed. 

Ethics of the Fathers Day 11

In Chapter 1, we read,

Joshua the son of Perachia would say: Assume for yourself a master, acquire for yourself a friend, and judge every man to the side of merit.

I am observing a controversy right now about the practices of Reece's Rainbow.  I find myself actually understanding where both sides are coming from.

There are some (post has since been removed) who have had bad experiences with RR.  Children who turned out not to be available for adoption, agencies which turned out to be corrupt and unhelpful.   They are understandably eager to blame RR for its contribution to these disappointments.  And in fact, RR does have certain practices which appear to walk a fine ethical line.  In those cases where people are hurt by these practices, RR should take steps to fix the situation.  Unfortunately, some individuals have threatened and intimidated these people.  This does not help!

At the same time, I can see RR's defense, that while their practices (photolisting children against the laws of the countries where they are listed) are illegal in those jurisdictions, that they serve a greater good of bringing those children home.  This seems to me a form of civil disobedience.   Were some African Americans concerned that Rosa Parks' act of defiance might inspire lynchings? I am certain that they were!  And that concern was probably well-placed.  Nonetheless, civil disobedience did lead to the revolutionary changes in civil rights for all Americans.

So, is Reece's Rainbow engaged in civil disobedience, or just in......disobedience?  Arrogance?   Playing G*d?  Can the objectors' concerns be acknowledged without negativity and harrassment?

I certainly prefer to "judge both sides to the side of merit."  All who are involved in this dialogue ultimately want the best for these children.  We all want as many children as possible to be placed in loving homes where they can grow and thrive.  We do disagree on how to best achieve this aim.  As we enter an election season, let us all remember that rational people CAN disagree, and let us judge every man to the side of merit.


Thank you.

Ethics of the Fathers Day 10

A short line from Chapter 4 that speaks for itself:

איזהו גבור? הכובש את יצרו.

Who is a hero? One who overpowers his inclinations.

Ethics of the Fathers Day 9

In chapter 4, we learn:

Rabbi Levitas of Yavneh would say: Be very, very humble, for the hope of mortal man is worms.

This is what happens when we fail to rescue the children.

They die.

Please say Kaddish with me.

Ethics of the Fathers Day 8

One of my favorites, from Chapter 2:

In a place where there are no men, strive to be a man.

Yesterday's verse instructed us on seeking the best possible examples to follow.  However, even if there are no examples, we should strive for the highest ideal even if we are the only ones.

No one has inquired about Nicky Z in all of his three and a half years.  Who will "be a man"?



And here is Wyatt.  With one of those really scary diagnoses.  Hydrocephalus.  Possible Cystic Fibrosis.  Tube fed, recumbent, barely moves his hands.




 He does not look hydrocephalic.  Does he have a shunt in place?  If he has CF, then he has already beaten the odds for survival without treatment.  According to Wikipedia,

"While there are no cures for cystic fibrosis there are several treatment methods. The management of cystic fibrosis has improved significantly over the past 70 years. While infants born with cystic fibrosis 70 years ago would have been unlikely to live beyond their first year, infants today are likely to live well into adulthood. Recent advances in the treatment of cystic fibrosis have meant that an individual with cystic fibrosis can live a fuller life less encumbered by their condition. The cornerstones of management are proactive treatment of airway infection, and encouragement of good nutrition and an active lifestyle."

The medical care for CF in the orphanage is probably on par with that of 70 years ago:  negligible.  Note that the management requires prophylactic antibiotics, good nutrition, and an active lifestyle, none of which are available to Wyatt where he is.  If in fact he has CF, he needs out FAST!   More likely, he is just showing the product of extreme neglect and malnutrition of the institutionalized setting, where his Down syndrome is tantamount to a life sentence.

Who will "be a man" and rescue these boys from the "place where there are no men"?

Ethics of the Fathers Day 7

Today we look to chapter 4:

Be a tail to lions, rather than a head to foxes.

In other words, better to be the last to follow the example of heroes, than to be a leader among scoundrels.

Today I'm praying for a worthy tail to the lions who have been rescuing the victims of Pleven, who will step forward for Beacan:

 


as well as a tail for the lions who have been claiming the older orphans from Orphanage 39, to claim Marcus:




Read his full story here.

Ethics of the Fathers Day 6

A few lines after yesterday's entry, I found the following little phrase, which in Aramaic I had glossed right over:

לפום צערא אגרא

But the translation caught my eye:

"According to the pain is the gain."


Hah! Take that, Coach! So THAT'S where "No pain, no gain" is reaaly from!

Ethics of the Fathers Day 5

Thinking about fear led me to chapter 5:

Judah the son of Teima would say: Be bold as a leopard, light as an eagle, fleeting as a deer and mighty as a lion to do the will of your Father in Heaven.

Beginning with boldness, continuing with lightness and speed, we finally become mighty - to do the will of G*d!

Ethics of the Fathers Day 4

Yesterday I dedicated my Pirkei Avot entry to Andrey. This morning I found out that he did choose to be adopted!

 From chapter 3: All is foreseen, and freedom of choice is granted.

How are you exercising your freedom of choice today?

Ethics of the Fathers Day 3

Yesterday Adeye put out a prayer request for Andrey, a 16 year old boy who must make a crucial choice: to agree to be adopted and take on a whole new life in a new country, or stay in his country, where he will soon find himself totally on his own.

Today's quote from Pirkei Avot cites Rabbi Gamliel, who said,

Make that His will should be your will, so that He should make your will to be as His will.


May G*d make His will present for Andrey, so that Andrey can make the best decision possible.

Praying for Andrey, as well as for the Mickschls who are there with him now.

Ethics of the Fathers Day 2

See Day 1 here.

In Chapter 1 of Pirkei Avot, we read Rabbi Hillel's famous quote:

If I am not for myself, who is for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?

 Unfortunately, most people stop at the first question... This leads to the attitude of "looking out for number one".  Not very enlightened, eh?  But read in context, this is clearly a foreshadowing of the standard airplane emergency procedure: "Put on your own oxygen mask first, then attend to your children."    Yes, we do need to take care of our own interests.  If we ourselves live in abject poverty and in poor health, we make ourselves a burden on others, and are far less able to take care of those who are even less fortunate.

At the same time, if we stop right there, then, "what am I?" -- that kind of existence is brutish and meaningless.  In order to have meaning, our life must have a purpose that is greater than us.

And if not now, when?

Ethics of the Fathers Day 1

Susanna Musser's recent post Driven inspired quite a discussion in the comments about how we prioritize needs.  Do we save the child with a better prognosis, or the one who has a foot in the grave already? If we save the latter, might not the former deteriorate and lose his advantage? How do we weigh such things?

When I read this discussion, I was immediately reminded of some verses from Pirkei Avot. Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers) is a collection of quotations from the great rabbis at the time of the 2nd Temple period. Jesus was a contemporary of many of them, and was influenced by many others.

From the second chapter of this collection, we learn that, "Rabbi Tarfon would say: The day is short, the work is much, the workers are lazy, the reward is great, and the Master is pressing.  He would also say: It is not incumbent upon you to finish the task, but neither are you free to absolve yourself from it."

 Isn't this the whole dilemma?   The day is short, and the work is much, so we cannot finish the task.  Why, then, should we even bother starting? This way of thinking makes us, the workers, lazy.  However, we are not free to absolve ourselves from the task, as the Master is pressing, and ultimately, the reward is great.

I think I will pick a quotation from Pirkei Avot each day from now till Father's Day.
See Day 2 here.