31 for 21 - Talking with children

Children have very few prejudices (not having had a chance to learn too many yet), and have no filter or guile about those prejudices which they have absorbed.  In talking with children, we can learn what we have inadvertently taught them, for good or bad.  Such conversations are excellent mirrors to hold up to ourselves.  Perhaps we think nothing of using foul language, until we hear it echoed from the mouths of our offspring. Or we don't realize ways in which we stereotype others, until our filter-free kiddos say something that makes us cringe.  Conversely, how lovely it is when our children think it completely natural to speak politely, offer sincere compliments, and share freely, because this is the behavior they see modeled in the home.

http://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/learn-kids-talking-disability/story?id=26480369

31 for 21 - siblings

This is a blog I don't usually read, but this time I did, and I thought it was very nicely done.  Enjoy!

31 4 21 Impact

Ever wonder how a child with T21 might impact her siblings? This little boy not only learned how to be helpful without being suffocating when he plays with his sister, but was able to find his voice -- despite being naturally shy -- to explain her differences to other children.  Now the other children learn acceptance ("she is different, but normal and okay") but he has learned the strength one gains from being a stand for another.

A portrait

If you have an hour, check this out:

What's in it for me?

I have been talking a lot about the moral basis for special-needs adoption and how it may be grounded in a non-religious ethical context.  However, one of the major hurdles for both religious and secular potential adopters is the notion that this is fundamentally an "extreme", "dramatic", "altruistic" project.  A religious context can create a framework where people are motivated to take on such things for a higher purpose.  Secular contexts can do so, as well, though generally to a lesser extent.  However, both religious and secular people are motivated, more than anything else, by the selfish motive -- "What's in it for me?"

When I first found out about the conditions of special-needs orphans in developing countries, and read the stories of families which adopted them, I had many of these same reactions.  "Wow," I thought.  "These people are really amazing and self-sacrificing!"  Then I kept reading, however, and a new pattern emerged.  Very consistently, the parents reported great joy in the miraculous progress their adopted children were having, and in the beauty that the children were, in spite of their disabilities.

These, however, were parents.  They were highly invested in this enterprise, so surely they were biased.  The clincher came when I started reading reports by siblings of the adoptees.  After all, siblings are not the ones who made these decisions, but they live with the outcome.  What do they have to say about it all?


This 12-year-old girl has 2 little brothers.

Last year, her parents adopted 2 more little boys, both with Down syndrome.  Right now they are adopting a third boy with Down syndrome from the same orphanage! Read her blog to see how she feels about adoption.

Here is another 12-year-old sister of an adoptee with Down syndrome,

 answering readers' questions on her mother's blog.


Here are some more comments from the same family, including the 2 oldest brothers, aged 16 and 18.

And another family with 3 typical biological children, and 4 adopted children with special needs, 2 with Down syndrome.

Well, maybe these are just self-selecting anecdotes, right?  The people with negative experiences wouldn't post about it, right?  I actually googled on-line quite extensively looking for stories of siblings who wished their parents never had/adopted their sibling with special needs.  I couldn't find any!  Some stories of occasional frustration or sibling rivalry -- like any other siblings.  Many stories of parents worrying about the siblings' reactions!  But nothing that stood out as actual regret because of the sibling's special needs.

Here is a cool blogger with 2 biological children with special needs, a girl with cerebral palsy and a boy with Down syndrome.  She cites this study done by physicians at Children's Hospital Boston on the impact of children with Down syndrome on their typical siblings.


How anyone can read these stories -- and many, many others like them -- and not think "I want this for MY family, too!" is beyond me, no matter what your religious beliefs.