Newly Listed

Many, many newly listed children on Reece's Rainbow this week.  I don't know if records in Eastern Europe are being updated right now in preparation for the new academic year.  Apparently, this is a busy season for children getting transferred from relatively comfortable "Baby Houses" to more impersonal orphanages and institutions.

This little girl is in Lithuania, where travel is pretty straightforward.  Two trips, the first one is about one week for both parents, and for the second trip (about 2 weeks) only one parent must travel.  She has been getting medical treatment, including surgery, for her heart condition, and she appears to be developing really well for an institutionalized child with Down syndrome.  She just turned 5 years old.  Isn't she adorable?  I hope someone scoops her up soon!

Preparedness

My ex-MIL put me in touch with a woman she knows who adopted 2 boys from Russia almost 20 years ago.  I had a good long conversation with her, about what her experiences were.  These boys were supposedly "typical" -- no special needs in their files.  They were 2 and 3 years old at the time of the adoption, and they both showed extreme developmental delays, both in growth and in milestones reached.  She had no biological children, so this was not only her introduction to adoption, but her first experience with parenting.

I think that the home-study agencies do a much better job today of preparing parents for the kind of delays that adopted children have.  Her agency apparently led her to believe that the kids will pretty much just "adjust" and catch up with minimal intervention.  Not!  She expected the adjustment to be 1-2 years, but says that it took far longer.

There are some who would say that with 5 kids (4 at home) that I have my hands full, and should not take on any more children, especially a child with special needs and institutional delays.  On the other hand, I think that my experience with parenting makes me far better prepared for this task than a first-time parent would be.

What do you think?

Amidah - conclusion

Traditionally, the Amidah is concluded with the following meditation:

My G‑d, guard my tongue from evil and my lips from speaking deceitfully. Let my soul be silent to those who curse me; let my soul be as dust to all. Open my heart to Your Torah, and let my soul eagerly pursue Your commandments. As for all those who plot evil against me, hasten to annul their counsel and frustrate their design. Let them be as chaff before the wind; let the angel of the L-rd thrust them away. That Your beloved ones may be delivered, help with Your right hand and answer me. Do it for the sake of Your Name; do it for the sake of Your right hand; do it for the sake of Your Torah; do it for the sake of Your holiness. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable before You, L-rd, my Strength and my Redeemer.

He who makes peace in His heavens, may He make peace for us and for all Israel; and say, Amen.

Having just beseeched G*d to take care of us, and thanked and praised G*d for everything we are and everything we have, we might be on a bit of a "spiritual high".  That's good, but we don't want that to go to our heads.  We want to temper that high with humility.  Let us be humble, and let G*d take care of the things we might be tempted to be self-righteous about.  Let G*d frustrate the designs of those who plot against us.  We must stay focused on doing right, and peace will follow.

Older children - Special Needs edition

Yesterday I wrote about the risk of adopting an older child, not in term of the difficulties of adjusting once they come home, but even before that, when they resist leaving their familiar surroundings and take a chance on the better life being offered to them. 

Today I will write about adopting a child who is about to age out, but is not mentally competent to voice an opinion on the matter of his/her adoption.  These children would be committed to a mental institution to live out their days if they are not adopted by their 16th birthday.

Jenny and Steven Brown are in the final stages of adopting 16-year-old Sophia, who has Down syndrome and is extremely delayed.  She is the size of a pre-schooler, and does not walk independently.




Adeye and Anthony Salem are adopting 15-year-old "Faith", whom they will call Hasya.  Adeye is visiting Hasya at Pleven right now. Hasya, who has Down syndrome as well, has been restricted to a crib her whole life, is grossly malnourished, the size of an infant or small toddler.  In the last few months, additional care and donated nutrition have improved her condition.  There is still so much more to go, though.



And Susanna and Joe Musser are taking a leap of faith for the second time, to adopt 15-year-old "Tommy".  Like Hasya, he has lived in a crib his whole life.  He does not have Down syndrome, but has other disabilities, and is the size of a small 3-year-old.  They did not think they would qualify financially for another adoption at this time, but apparently they can, and their home-study social worker is expediting their process!  Susanna was desperately seeking a family for "Tommy", and is so excited to be able to be that family.



If born in the USA, these three could have been in High School together.  I could see Sophia as a bubbly cheerleader, Hasya as an artsy type, and Tommy as a video-game-playing drummer in the school band.  Instead, they are likely to never graduate kindergarten.  After adoption, they will need intensive medical and nutritional care, and long-term physical and speech therapy just to become minimally functional. And then what?

Three children.  Totally uncharted territory.  How far can a severely disabled, pint-sized adolescent catch up in a loving home?  We really don't know!   Those of us considering or in process of a special-needs adoption can only look on and marvel at the incredible stand that these families are taking for these children.  All three families are deeply religious.  Is it possible to take something like this on without faith in a higher power?  All three families profess utter inadequacy to deal with the challenges that they are taking on, and their complete reliance on G*d to see them through.

Where would an Atheist get that strength from?

Amidah - part 18 - Peace

We end with a prayer for peace:

Bestow peace, goodness and blessing, life, graciousness, kindness and mercy, upon us and upon all Your people Israel. Bless us, our Father, all of us as one, with the light of Your countenance. For by the light of Your countenance You gave us, L-rd our G‑d, the Torah of life and loving-kindness, righteousness, blessing, mercy, life and peace. May it be favorable in Your eyes to bless Your people Israel, at all times and at every moment, with Your peace.

Blessed are You L-rd, who blesses His people Israel with peace.

To my shock I was not able to find a YouTube video featuring the melody I know to this.  There are so many traditional and modernized melodies!  Here is one:

More about older children

There are many children out there whose main "special need" is that they are "older".  No longer "cute and cuddly", but rather laden with baggage, pain and mistrust from years of loss.  I want to look at 3 different 16 year old boys who had families come for them recently.

In February, Renee raised the alarm about Sam and Duncan, due to age out of the orphanage from which she adopted her daughter at the beginning of the year.  Both boys had expressed an interest in being adopted by American families, apparently.  Sam has only a minor disability -- a deformation of one hand.  Duncan has Cerebral Palsy, and his mobility is impaired, although he is not restricted to a wheelchair.  Two families stepped forward for these boys (actually there was another family, but they ran into delays getting their paperwork together).  Both boys got cold feet after meeting the families, and decided to take their chances on life in Ukraine rather than take the opportunity to come to the United States, go to college, and have a piece of the American Dream.   Both families went home empty-hearted and confused.

Another story started similarly. Last December, Adeye raised the alarm about Jonathan, who was aging out of a different orphanage in the same country.  No special need was noted, just an older kid about to find himself out on the street.  To this day I don't know why he was singled out to be advocated for.  Like "Sam" and "Duncan", he hesitated about going home with the family that came for him.  Like the others, he was urged by his peers and caretakers to beware of the horrors of American adoptive parents, who were likely to cut him up and sell his organs....  At the last moment, he said yes.  Two months later, he (now known as Andrew) is happily integrated into his new family.

Why???  What makes the difference?  How does one approach the adoption of an adolescent so as to avoid chasing a dead end?

Secular Humanism - Landmark?

My husband just completed the Advanced Course at Landmark Education this weekend.  Really empowering stuff!   Landmark has a reputation for being "cultish".  It is not a cult, but it certainly has some features that make it look like one from the outside.  Participants are urged to bring all their friends and families to "guest events" which occur as part of every course, and to invite everyone they know to take the "Landmark Forum" -- the foundation class of their curriculum.  The courses are also filled with a unique jargon, which adds to the feeling that graduates of the curriculum are "weird".

But in fact, what makes it more like a religion than any of these outward trappings is the fact that what actually happens in the courses is that participants are pushed to become their best selves, and to go past their comfort zones to accomplish incredible things in their relationships with others and in their communities.  I remember before I took the first course that I marveled how both my committed atheist friend and my religious Catholic friend felt that the concepts presented in Landmark complemented their respective worldviews perfectly.  This is because while no particular religion is referenced, the concepts map very well onto those in religious texts.

Quite simply, the ideas are:

1. Personal integrity is the basis of everything -- keeping your word in all things great and small.
2. Things happen through relationships -- if it's just inside your head, it has no reality -- you have to share it with others
3. With (1) and (2) in place, there is very little that you can't accomplish.  Reach for the sky!  Make a real impact on the world!
4. The point of all this is to Live a Life you Love.

These ideas invariably push participants to look outwards from their own lives to accomplish greatness in their relationships and their communities.  If they happen to be religious, they quickly find these ideas echoed in their liturgy and scriptures.  But if they are not, these ideas still work!


Can this notion be used in this context, as well?  That pushing past your comfort zone for the sake of a child's life has the potential of such huge reward that it is worth it?  Even without any religious background?