This parsha contains the litany of blessings and curses which accompany observance and rejection of the Torah, respectively. At the end of, it, we read,
All that we have seen, even the greatest signs and wonders, are as naught if we fail to pay attention, and open our heart, and our eyes and ears, so as to comprehend them through G*d's eyes.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Monday, August 26, 2013
A good person
Ableism.... We value abilities. In ourselves, in our children, in our civilization. We take pride in accomplishment, in reaching new heights.
As I have discussed last week, this is true even for people with disabilities. Parents of developmentally delayed children gush about how much more intensely milestones are celebrated in proportion to the struggle to achieve them. We hail the trailblazers who accomplish great things in spite of disabilities and hardships.
But at some point in raising our children, usually when they are one-upping each other, we take them aside and tell them that it is more important to be good than smart/strong/first/etc. It is more important to show each other grace, compassion and kindness than to "win" this or that contest.
Do we really mean that?
How often are people truly able to value the good person over the successful person? As a spouse? As a friend?
How often do we, by our very attitude, undermine that sentiment to our own children, when we emphasize measurable accomplishments while taking good behavior for granted or handing out only muted praise? How often do we ourselves model grace and compassion to our children?
Do we really mean that?
Next week is Rosh Hashanah. The ten Days of Awe will culminate in Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. It is traditionally a time of soul searching, seeking to repair our relationships both with G*d and with our fellow man. Let us examine what we truly value, both in others and in ourselves.
Let us recalibrate our yardstick by which we measure personal worth.
As I have discussed last week, this is true even for people with disabilities. Parents of developmentally delayed children gush about how much more intensely milestones are celebrated in proportion to the struggle to achieve them. We hail the trailblazers who accomplish great things in spite of disabilities and hardships.
But at some point in raising our children, usually when they are one-upping each other, we take them aside and tell them that it is more important to be good than smart/strong/first/etc. It is more important to show each other grace, compassion and kindness than to "win" this or that contest.
Do we really mean that?
How often are people truly able to value the good person over the successful person? As a spouse? As a friend?
How often do we, by our very attitude, undermine that sentiment to our own children, when we emphasize measurable accomplishments while taking good behavior for granted or handing out only muted praise? How often do we ourselves model grace and compassion to our children?
Do we really mean that?
Next week is Rosh Hashanah. The ten Days of Awe will culminate in Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. It is traditionally a time of soul searching, seeking to repair our relationships both with G*d and with our fellow man. Let us examine what we truly value, both in others and in ourselves.
Let us recalibrate our yardstick by which we measure personal worth.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Torah Connection - Ki Teitze
Another difficult parsha. I struggled with it all week, and now I need to start working on today's parsha..... so here goes!
This chapter contains rules that span many seemingly diverse topics, making it difficult to identify a coherent theme. Some of the rules cover aspects of sexuality in rather harsh terms: transvestism and transexuality are both condemned, virginity, marriage and rape are all simply parameters in the ownership of women, and certain ethnicities are excluded in perpetuity from intermarrying into the Jewish people. Nasty stuff.
On the other hand, there are these:
Compassion for humanity trumps "property rights" with respect to slaves, even in a society which accepted some forms of slavery. (Bear in mind also, that Leviticus already provided various protections for slaves, from codifying ethical treatment to legislating manumission on the Jubilee.)
Again, the needs of a hungry man override the property rights of the farmer, but not to the point of harvesting a significant crop -- just enough to sustain life.
What an important message for us to this day -- that we must be so attuned to others that we are not able to ignore their suffering and loss.
On the other hand, there are these:
Chapter 221 If you see your fellow's ox or sheep gone astray, do not ignore it; you must take it back to your fellow. 2 If your fellow does not live near you or you do not know who he is, you shall bring it home and it shall remain with you until your fellow claims it; then you shall give it back to him. 3 You shall do the same with his ass; you shall do the same with his garment; and so too shall you do with anything that your fellow loses and you find: you must not remain indifferent.Returning a lost animal or possession is seen as highly important. But the importance rests not in the value of the object, but in training ourselves in not remaining indifferent to suffering and loss.
4 If you see your fellow's ass or ox fallen on the road, do not ignore it; you must help him raise it. (emphasis mine)
8 When you build a new house, you shall make a parapet for your roof, so that you do not bring bloodguilt on your house if anyone should fall from it.Responsibility for others and their safety on your property. Is there a principle of accessibility here as well?
16 You shall not turn over to his master a slave who seeks refuge with you from his master. 17 He shall live with you in any place he may choose among the settlements in your midst, wherever he pleases; you must not ill-treat him.
Compassion for humanity trumps "property rights" with respect to slaves, even in a society which accepted some forms of slavery. (Bear in mind also, that Leviticus already provided various protections for slaves, from codifying ethical treatment to legislating manumission on the Jubilee.)
25 When you enter another man's vineyard, you may eat as many grapes as you want, until you are full, but you must not put any in your vessel. 26 When you enter another man's field of standing grain, you may pluck ears with your hand; but you must not put a sickle to your neighbor's grain.
Again, the needs of a hungry man override the property rights of the farmer, but not to the point of harvesting a significant crop -- just enough to sustain life.
14 You shall not abuse a needy and destitute laborer, whether a fellow countryman or a stranger in one of the communities of your land. 15 You must pay him his wages on the same day, before the sun sets, for he is needy and urgently depends on it; else he will cry to the Lord against you and you will incur guilt.Here we see the theme of ethical treatment of those most vulnerable members of society: the poor, the day-laborer, the stranger, the orphan and the widow. Again, we must not ignore the suffering in the world, but create mechanisms for the welfare and just treatment of those most likely to get "lost".
16 Parents shall not be put to death for children, nor children be put to death for parents: a person shall be put to death only for his own crime.
17 You shall not subvert the rights of the stranger or the fatherless; you shall not take a widow's garment in pawn. 18 Remember that you were a slave in Egypt and that the Lord your God redeemed you from there; therefore do I enjoin you to observe this commandment.
19 When you reap the harvest in your field and overlook a sheaf in the field, do not turn back to get it; it shall go to the stranger, the fatherless, and the widow — in order that the Lord your God may bless you in all your undertakings.
20 When you beat down the fruit of your olive trees, do not go over them again; that shall go to the stranger, the fatherless, and the widow. 21 When you gather the grapes of your vineyard, do not pick it over again; that shall go to the stranger, the fatherless, and the widow. 22 Always remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt; therefore do I enjoin you to observe this commandment.
| 22:3 | You must do the same to a donkey, an article of clothing, or anything else that your brother loses and you find. You will not be able to ignore it. Vechen ta'aseh lachamoro vechen ta'aseh lesimlato vechen ta'aseh lechol-avedat achicha asher-tovad mimenu umetsatah lo tuchal lehit'alem. |
What an important message for us to this day -- that we must be so attuned to others that we are not able to ignore their suffering and loss.
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Blogs I follow
There are a few blogs that I follow especially closely. I have read their stories back to the beginning of the blog, and have been following them for the past year and a half in real time.
First is the Musser family. Until their tenth child was born with Trisomy 21, they were just a large, rural, Christian family living in Amish country in Pennsylvania. Little Verity introduced her mom to the Down syndrome community, and opened her eyes to the plight of children with disabilities in foreign orphanages and institutions. While still learning the ropes of taking care of a special needs baby, they committed to adopting a little girl with T21 in Bulgaria. This child, whom they would name Katie, turned out to suffer from much more than a chromosomal variation. Warehoused in a substandard orphanage, she was literally starved, weighing less than 10 lbs. when they brought her home at almost 10 years of age. While they nurtured her and healed her from the years of neglect, the Mussers realized that many other children in the same institution are similarly suffering. Susanna Musser singlehandedly publicized the Pleven orphanage, inspiring dozens of families to adopt children with various disabilities from there, as well as bringing about structural changes in the orphanage itself. They recently adopted one more child from there themselves, a boy with Cerebral Palsy who was about to age out of the international adoption program. Susanna writes beautifully and passionately, not shying away from showing the tough side of special needs adoption, while also clearly portraying the beauty in it. She is highly motivated by her Christian faith, and refers to it often, but communicates her own experience independently of the New Testament quotes. She also includes many beautiful photographs of her lovely children.
Then there is the Alan family. Renee has professional background as a therapist, and she and her husband have fostered many children with and without disabilities before embarking on an adoption. They adopted a 5-year-old girl with severe Cerebral Palsy in early 2012. Unlike Susanna, Renee found her child's institution to be surprisingly good. The children appeared to be well taken care of, and well adjusted as a result. It was clear that they desperately needed families, though, as no opportunities awaited them once they would grow up. Like Susanna, she advocated tirelessly for the children she had met, until the vast majority of those eligible for adoption have been adopted. She writes in a more rambling, Hemingway-esque style, offering minute details and weaving multiple thoughts into each blog post. She also punctuates her writing with New Testament quotes, but the value of her writing is in the realistic picture she paints of the experience of special needs adoption. More recently she returned to Ukraine to adopt 3 more children with special needs, and has been writing extensively about FAS, CP, and other issues.
Finally, there is the Spring family. Their youngest child (from Leah's first marriage) has Trisomy 21. They were not expecting to conceive any more children, but after Leah traveled to Eastern Europe with her friend Shelley Bedford to assist with her adoption, they realized that adopting another child with T21 was the right choice for them. They have since adopted 3 boys from Serbia, all with T21. Like Susanna and Renee, Leah has been advocating for adoption of children from similar circumstances, in her case, Serbian orphans. Leah's writing is mostly conversational, offering a very comfortable perspective into her daily life. While she is also Christian, religion does not play a major role on her blog, which is refreshing!
There are many other stories I follow -- just look on the right side-bar! But these are the most consistently informative reads on this subject.
First is the Musser family. Until their tenth child was born with Trisomy 21, they were just a large, rural, Christian family living in Amish country in Pennsylvania. Little Verity introduced her mom to the Down syndrome community, and opened her eyes to the plight of children with disabilities in foreign orphanages and institutions. While still learning the ropes of taking care of a special needs baby, they committed to adopting a little girl with T21 in Bulgaria. This child, whom they would name Katie, turned out to suffer from much more than a chromosomal variation. Warehoused in a substandard orphanage, she was literally starved, weighing less than 10 lbs. when they brought her home at almost 10 years of age. While they nurtured her and healed her from the years of neglect, the Mussers realized that many other children in the same institution are similarly suffering. Susanna Musser singlehandedly publicized the Pleven orphanage, inspiring dozens of families to adopt children with various disabilities from there, as well as bringing about structural changes in the orphanage itself. They recently adopted one more child from there themselves, a boy with Cerebral Palsy who was about to age out of the international adoption program. Susanna writes beautifully and passionately, not shying away from showing the tough side of special needs adoption, while also clearly portraying the beauty in it. She is highly motivated by her Christian faith, and refers to it often, but communicates her own experience independently of the New Testament quotes. She also includes many beautiful photographs of her lovely children.
Then there is the Alan family. Renee has professional background as a therapist, and she and her husband have fostered many children with and without disabilities before embarking on an adoption. They adopted a 5-year-old girl with severe Cerebral Palsy in early 2012. Unlike Susanna, Renee found her child's institution to be surprisingly good. The children appeared to be well taken care of, and well adjusted as a result. It was clear that they desperately needed families, though, as no opportunities awaited them once they would grow up. Like Susanna, she advocated tirelessly for the children she had met, until the vast majority of those eligible for adoption have been adopted. She writes in a more rambling, Hemingway-esque style, offering minute details and weaving multiple thoughts into each blog post. She also punctuates her writing with New Testament quotes, but the value of her writing is in the realistic picture she paints of the experience of special needs adoption. More recently she returned to Ukraine to adopt 3 more children with special needs, and has been writing extensively about FAS, CP, and other issues.
Finally, there is the Spring family. Their youngest child (from Leah's first marriage) has Trisomy 21. They were not expecting to conceive any more children, but after Leah traveled to Eastern Europe with her friend Shelley Bedford to assist with her adoption, they realized that adopting another child with T21 was the right choice for them. They have since adopted 3 boys from Serbia, all with T21. Like Susanna and Renee, Leah has been advocating for adoption of children from similar circumstances, in her case, Serbian orphans. Leah's writing is mostly conversational, offering a very comfortable perspective into her daily life. While she is also Christian, religion does not play a major role on her blog, which is refreshing!
There are many other stories I follow -- just look on the right side-bar! But these are the most consistently informative reads on this subject.
Friday, August 23, 2013
Psalm 80:15-20
Seems like a double-meaning on the word אִמַּצְתָּ. Most translations, both Jewish and Christian, render it as "strengthened", but in common usage it means "adopted". Hmmm.
:טו. אֱלֹהִים צְבָאוֹת שׁוּב נָא הַבֵּט מִשָּׁמַיִם וּרְאֵה וּפְקֹד גֶּפֶן זֹאת
:טז. וְכַנָּה אֲשֶׁר נָטְעָה יְמִינֶךָ וְעַל בֵּן אִמַּצְתָּה לָּךְ
:יז. שְׂרֻפָה בָאֵשׁ כְּסוּחָה מִגַּעֲרַת פָּנֶיךָ יֹאבֵדוּ
:יח. תְּהִי יָדְךָ עַל אִישׁ יְמִינֶךָ עַל בֶּן אָדָם אִמַּצְתָּ לָּךְ
:יט. וְלֹא נָסוֹג מִמֶּךָּ תְּחַיֵּינוּ וּבְשִׁמְךָ נִקְרָא
:כ. יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהִים צְבָאוֹת הֲשִׁיבֵנוּ הָאֵר פָּנֶיךָ וְנִוָּשֵׁעָה
Sunday, August 18, 2013
An easy life
We were visiting a friend in Pardes Hanna yesterday, and talked about our tentative plans to one day move back to Israel. He said, "Life in Israel is not easy."
It's true. Cost of living is higher here in comparison with average salaries, security is always an issue, and our children would be subject to military service, with all that that entails. Life here is not easy.
"But," said my husband, "there are things here which are very worthwhile, and which we want our children to have as part of their growing up."
The sense of belonging. The sense of owning one's history. The sense of really being part of the extended Jewish family. Even the connection to our own extended family here. All of these are worth taking extra risks and making the extra effort of a "not easy life".
Many other things in life are "not easy", but are so very worthwhile.
The "good life" is not necessarily the "easy life".
"Hard" is not "bad".
It's true. Cost of living is higher here in comparison with average salaries, security is always an issue, and our children would be subject to military service, with all that that entails. Life here is not easy.
"But," said my husband, "there are things here which are very worthwhile, and which we want our children to have as part of their growing up."
The sense of belonging. The sense of owning one's history. The sense of really being part of the extended Jewish family. Even the connection to our own extended family here. All of these are worth taking extra risks and making the extra effort of a "not easy life".
Many other things in life are "not easy", but are so very worthwhile.
The "good life" is not necessarily the "easy life".
"Hard" is not "bad".
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Ethical Risk
After Shabbat dinner with my Israeli aunts, uncles and cousins (and assorted children), we had a lively conversation on a variety of topics, ranging from politics to child rearing, from gluten-free cooking to history and speculations about Armageddon.
One of my cousins was recounting his personal experience in the Israeli army, hunting down terrorists who were using "human shields". That is, instead of protecting civilians from the risk of being caught in the crossfire by providing shelters away from the fighting, they shoot at the Israeli soldiers from populated civilian homes and neighborhoods, often specifically surrounding themselves with civilians. My cousin explained that any other army in the world would consider it acceptable wartime ethics to call out on a loudspeaker that all civilians should evacuate the premises, and then bomb the $#%& out of the buildings involved. Not so the IDF. My cousin and his peers were required - by Israeli rules of engagement - to enter the buildings and pick out the targeted individuals while sparing civilians. Mind you that these targeted terrorists are not uniformed soldiers, but guerrillas who are dressed in civilian attire (except for the automatic weapons they are carrying), and often wear masks or keffiyehs over their faces to obscure their identities. Fighting under these circumstances inevitably results in greater Israeli casualties, but the Israeli army considers this risk worth the civilian lives which are saved - even enemy civilians!
Once again: Standard Israeli policy is that saving enemy civilian life warrants risking the lives of Israeli soldiers.
====================================
How many children with disabilities are dying of malnutrition and lack of medical care around the world, not because they have ever threatened anyone, but merely because their lives are not considered valuable by the societies into which they were born?
Is there a risk associated with adopting such children? Is there a risk associated with volunteering with organizations that seek to improve conditions in the orphanages? Is there a risk associated with working to bring about social change, so that people with disabilities are seen as equal members of the human race?
Yes, there are risks associated with taking a stand for something. That risk may be as mild as the foregone opportunities for personal advancement, or as severe as long-term negative impact on one's family. Yes, these are risks, which must not be ignored! But can they be compared to the risk an Israeli soldier assumes when he goes into battle, putting his own life on the line to protect, not just his own countrymen, but the civilians on the other side, who are (voluntarily or under duress) harboring the very terrorists he is fighting? Not even remotely!
Now I am certainly not saying that we should seek to live our lives on the level of heroism practiced by Israeli soldiers (who, after all that, are almost universally vilified as war criminals!). But the ethical principles which drive the policy of putting vulnerable lives ahead of our own, taking on risks when we are able to in order to save those who are not able to save themselves, are ones which we can and should apply to our civilian lives.
How can we ask our soldiers to risk their lives for something that we are not even willing to risk material losses or temporary discomfort?
One of my cousins was recounting his personal experience in the Israeli army, hunting down terrorists who were using "human shields". That is, instead of protecting civilians from the risk of being caught in the crossfire by providing shelters away from the fighting, they shoot at the Israeli soldiers from populated civilian homes and neighborhoods, often specifically surrounding themselves with civilians. My cousin explained that any other army in the world would consider it acceptable wartime ethics to call out on a loudspeaker that all civilians should evacuate the premises, and then bomb the $#%& out of the buildings involved. Not so the IDF. My cousin and his peers were required - by Israeli rules of engagement - to enter the buildings and pick out the targeted individuals while sparing civilians. Mind you that these targeted terrorists are not uniformed soldiers, but guerrillas who are dressed in civilian attire (except for the automatic weapons they are carrying), and often wear masks or keffiyehs over their faces to obscure their identities. Fighting under these circumstances inevitably results in greater Israeli casualties, but the Israeli army considers this risk worth the civilian lives which are saved - even enemy civilians!
Once again: Standard Israeli policy is that saving enemy civilian life warrants risking the lives of Israeli soldiers.
====================================
How many children with disabilities are dying of malnutrition and lack of medical care around the world, not because they have ever threatened anyone, but merely because their lives are not considered valuable by the societies into which they were born?
Is there a risk associated with adopting such children? Is there a risk associated with volunteering with organizations that seek to improve conditions in the orphanages? Is there a risk associated with working to bring about social change, so that people with disabilities are seen as equal members of the human race?
Yes, there are risks associated with taking a stand for something. That risk may be as mild as the foregone opportunities for personal advancement, or as severe as long-term negative impact on one's family. Yes, these are risks, which must not be ignored! But can they be compared to the risk an Israeli soldier assumes when he goes into battle, putting his own life on the line to protect, not just his own countrymen, but the civilians on the other side, who are (voluntarily or under duress) harboring the very terrorists he is fighting? Not even remotely!
Now I am certainly not saying that we should seek to live our lives on the level of heroism practiced by Israeli soldiers (who, after all that, are almost universally vilified as war criminals!). But the ethical principles which drive the policy of putting vulnerable lives ahead of our own, taking on risks when we are able to in order to save those who are not able to save themselves, are ones which we can and should apply to our civilian lives.
How can we ask our soldiers to risk their lives for something that we are not even willing to risk material losses or temporary discomfort?
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