Context

We experience our life in a certain context.  The current turmoil over the Ferguson, MO events is occurring in a context where

• Black people are more likely to be targeted by police because of racial profiling; but also
• Black people are more likely to be involved in a crime because of the social impact of fatherlessness, poverty, poor educational opportunities and drugs

and also where

• Police are in the front lines of dealing with the fallout from a broken society; but also
• Police are over-militarized and under-trained; and
• Police are bringing their own baggage to situations, which can easily escalate

In other words, the events which led to the death of Michael Brown are in the context of a long chain of events, where neither he nor Darren Wilson are either fully innocent or fully guilty.  It is society itself which must do the work of healing both racial injustice (both from within and without) and police brutality.

==========

Disability prejudice, likewise, exists in a societal context which devalues those who are seen to fall short.

This morning I followed this link, posted by the mother of a little girl with Down syndrome.  It is the story of a (different) mother who has just given birth after years of infertility treatments, several miscarriages, and the loss of newborn twins.  While most of the comments expressed congratulations for the birth and sympathy for the earlier losses, some were judgmental:

And not to be snarky, but what's wrong with adoption? Why do people feel such a strong need to have a biological child? If you have problems with fertility, maybe you should consider taking an unwanted child? Why go through all the heartache and expense, not to mention what it did to your body? Seems a little weird to me, that's all.

To which someone responded that this couple had in fact considered adoption, and linked to an earlier post, here.  Curious, I read this as well.  Turns out that their idea of adoption was the conventional desire for a "healthy newborn that looks like us," which generally involves a long, long wait and/or high expense (even while pouring both money and time into IVF).  As a young couple, it is reasonable for them to be hesitant about older-child adoption.  However, when I read this:

We decided that we were okay with certain physical problems (cleft lip/palate, blindness or deafness, missing limbs) but not others (Cerebral Palsy, etc). We also decided we are not okay with mental disabilities (Down’s Syndrome, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, etc). Sound selfish? Sure. We get that a lot, even from our closest friends and family. Of course we know that there are lots of older/special needs kids who need homes, and of course we know that those children are harder to place than healthy newborns. That doesn’t mean that taking an older and/or special needs kid is right for our family. Right now, our family needs a healthy baby. An older and/or special needs kid needs things that we just can’t provide.

I could not help but wonder about the thought process.  They had already dealt with extreme prematurity, in term of the twins they had lost.  The risk of brain damage and consequent Cerebral Palsy is very high in premature infants, and yet they persisted in pursuing high-risk pregnancies.  If they cannot provide "things" that a special needs kid needs, what would they have done if they had given birth to one?  For that matter, what if their beautiful, perfect baby is diagnosed next month with a special need that was not detected in utero?  What if she is in an accident that leaves her disabled?  What if she turns out to be autistic?   There are no guarantees. Could they "provide" for their child then?

That said, I am not judging her, nor would I post this as a comment on her page.  Her decision process was, as I said above, conventional.  It took place in the context of prevailing social attitudes about disability.  Social attitudes which are demonstrated by parents "grieving the diagnosis," whether it comes pre- or post-natally.  Where expectant parents smile and say "as long as it's healthy," without considering the implication of that statement for a baby who fails to meet that standard.

It is society which must change.  Just as we seek to create a society where individuals are not devalued on the basis of their race, we also should create a society where all children are valued, not judged as deficient according to arbitrary standards before they take their first breath.

Are you with me?

November is National Adoption Awareness Month

http://www.wfaa.com/story/news/local/2014/11/05/rockwall-logan-hunt-adoption-homeless/18564243/

So about those Russian kids....

Nearly 2 years ago, Russia abruptly terminated international adoption to the United States, as well as expelled American NGO's working in orphanages.  Many families who were already in process were prevented from completing their adoptions, leaving behind children whom they had already met.   Russia's Children's Ombudsman promised that all these children will be well taken care of domestically, including the numerous children with special needs.

Seems that, ahem, more work needs to be done....

http://www.reformtalk.net/2014/09/17/russia-children-with-disabilities-face-violence-and-neglect/

Not our children?

Tonight begins Holocaust Memorial Day.
Last Holocaust Memorial Day I posted this.

But this analogy is more personal than I let on.  My maternal grandparents narrowly escaped Poland with their infant daughter (my mom) before the Nazi invasion.  They each came from large families. Between them there were 18 siblings.

18 siblings in 2 families.

When the war was over, only 4 had survived.  My mother's parents, her aunt who escaped with them with her husband and teen-aged daughter, and an uncle who married into a Catholic family.

4 out of 18.

How many cousins would I have had, without this tragedy?  How many 2nd cousins for my children? 3rd cousins?

The Holocaust Memorial in Israel, Yad VaShem, maintains a list of "Righteous Gentiles", non-Jews who, often at great personal risk, helped Jews during the Holocaust and other times of persecution. In many instances, these individuals were personally responsible for the saving of countless lives.  Were the children they saved "their children"?  Were the people they stuck their necks out for "their problem"?

Adoption is hard.  Special needs adoption is even harder.  There are many risks involved.  Furthermore, many people find these children repulsive, and perhaps not worth saving, thus making the job even harder.  Of course, many people felt that way about Jews, Gypsies, and homosexuals.  Many people still do.  Are any of these hardships, risks, obstacles and prejudices anywhere close to what thousands of Righteous Gentiles had taken on to save our people? Are children who are warehoused in substandard institutions any less deserving?  Would my missing cousins have been worth it?

Haftorah Beam - Terumah

I seem to have missed blogging about this Torah portion last year.....  It deals with the collection of funds and materials for the Tabernacle, as well as instructions for its construction.

The Haftorah portion for this week is skipped because it is the beginning of the month of Adar, so we read the Rosh Hodesh Haftorah instead, which I've already blogged about.  So technically I can flake out on this one....  but I'll make an effort anyway.

This commentary emphasizes the need to focus on the internal devotion more than the external trappings of religious observance.  I was drawn to this verse (1 Kings 6:7):

וְהַבַּיִת, בְּהִבָּנֹתוֹ--אֶבֶן-שְׁלֵמָה מַסָּע, נִבְנָה; וּמַקָּבוֹת וְהַגַּרְזֶן כָּל-כְּלִי בַרְזֶל, לֹא-נִשְׁמַע בַּבַּיִת בְּהִבָּנֹתוֹ.

7 For the house, when it was in building, was built of stone made ready at the quarry; and there was neither hammer nor axe nor any tool of iron heard in the house, while it was in building.--

The stones were prepared at the quarry, so that no sounds of violence and destruction would be heard at the actual construction site.  This seems to me a metaphor for the preparation we make for doing sacred work. The axes and hammers are necessary.  Conflict and strife, pain and struggle, are often necessary in order to build the sanctuary of our souls, and to construct a perfected world (Tikkun Olam). However, we should take care to work our way through it "in the quarry", so that it does not detract from the sacred work itself.

With respect to this blog, it seems to connect to the preparation that we must do to welcome an orphaned and/or disabled child into our home.  There is often doubt and ambivalence, fear and resentment, when anticipating the needs of such a child. We owe it to the child and to ourselves to work through all these issues ahead of time -- in the quarry -- so that the child is welcomed into an edifice built of whole stones  "אֶבֶן-שְׁלֵמָה".

Seeing a need

Many adoption bloggers cite New Testament quotes to support their mission.  This one is no different. But the parts that I found most moving were those where she not only spoke from the heart, using her own words, but these words were universal in relevance:

In our large family, my kids hear me say all the time, "You see a need, you fill it. If you see something that needs doing, and you are able to, do it. If there is a pile of stuff at the bottom of the stairs waiting to go to the top, take the stuff with you when you go upstairs. If you are near the sink and a little person asks for a drink, fill his sippy cup. If you find an empty box in the pantry, throw it away." It's not a difficult concept, right? You see a need, you fill it. 

and,

There is a child that has no one. I am someone. He can have me.

and finally,

If you have ever considered adoption, I want you to know, to really understand, that your child is worth it, too. Your child, the one that has not yet stolen your heart simply because you have not yet laid eyes on him or her, waits for you, perhaps in a country in which you have never landed. He's worth it, you know. She's worth it. Take a leap.

November is Adoption Awareness Month

A great blog post, interviewing 7 different adoptive moms.  Some from domestic foster care, some from overseas orphanages;  some at birth, some older; some with special needs, others just with an intense need for a loving family.

http://homeiswhereitsat.blogspot.com/2013/11/21-adoption-questions-answered-by-7.html

Monsters

There is a stereotype in some of the popular literature of the adopted "monster child".  The child who becomes violent and destructive and destroys the family which has taken him/her in.  The child who seemed so innocent and lovable, but turned out to be a psychopath.

-But what if, what if, what if you adopt a kid and he turns out to be a big, RAD, monster kid?  What if he screams and tantrums and poops on the floor and hits me and the other kids and destroys our life?  What are we going to do? What are we going to do?

This stereotype is based on the experience of parents with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Adopted children have invariably gone through some kind of trauma -- or they would still be with their birth parents!  They need great stability in order to heal from this trauma.  In the process, they do much more testing of their parents than bio-kids -- who certainly do their share of parent-testing!  The more abuse, neglect, disrupted placements and other trauma these children have gone through, the harder it is for them to trust and attach.  This does not make them monsters.  It makes them hurt kids.  Parents need to be cognizant of their needs in order to address them.  Younger children in the home (if any) need to be protected.  Parents need to be psychologically prepared for the extreme testing and not take it personally.  This is all very hard.  But they are still just hurt children.  Just as if they were suffering from a physical injury and we would patiently help them regain function, so do RAD children suffer from emotional injury which requires lots and lots of patience and hard work to regain the emotional competency that most people take for granted.

-Monster kids are not real, so you shouldn't be afraid of them. But even if he does turn out to be a big, RAD monster kid, maybe he wouldn't destroy our life.  Maybe we would protect him and the other kids from his scary and scared feelings, and give him the kind of stability that he needs so badly, so that he would have the space to learn to give and receive love.
-Are you sure?
-Yes, I'm sure.

(adapted from Pookie and Tushka Find a Little Piano)

31 4 21 Hey Jude

Hey Jude, don't make it bad

Take a sad song and make it better

Remember to let her into your heart

Then you can start to make it better

Hey Jude, don't be afraid

You were made to go out and get her

The minute you let her under your skin

Then you begin to make it better

And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder

31 4 21 Expectations and happiness

These two stories intersect in my mind:

Spoiled Generation Y kids are unhappy.   This unhappiness may be traced to unrealistic expectations, inflated notions of their own talents, and exaggerated images of their peers' success on social media.

Many adoptions fail, and with inadequate resources, some adoptive parents resort to unethical channels to "re-home" (a.k.a. disrupt) their adopted children.  While this is clearly wrong, the real question to ask is what are the factors which lead to the failed adoptions in the first place.  To some extent, corrupt adoption agencies may be culpable, offering inadequate pre-adoption training and post-adoption support to families which may be overwhelmed by the needs of their new child(ren).  Many Christian organizations also encourage ill-advised practices such as adopting out of birth order and adopting multiple unrelated children, seeing adoption as an absolute good regardless of context.  Such adoptions can certainly work, but they require even greater preparation, resources, and support.

At the same time, it seems that part of this trend is traceable to similar factors as the unhappiness of Generation Y. A quick search of the internet yields countless adoption blogs.  Families present this as a wonderful process, often glossing over the difficulties.  Disrupting families rarely express themselves openly around these sensitive issues.  The result is that adopters have unrealistically high expectations of their child(ren)'s transition, and a muted awareness of the potential pitfalls.  When they run into any kind of difficulties, they may give up, feeling inadequate.  They are likely to think that they are to blame for the problems, or that these problems are far worse than average, since their image of what the adoption "ought" to look like is far rosier, and other adopters appear more competent.

The advice most often offered by successful, experienced adopters is compatible with this analysis.  They consistently urge potential adopters to keep expectations extremely low.   They also encourage parents to seek support, both within the adoption community and in other arenas (family, friends, faith communities, professional counseling, etc.).

Reformtalk.net is a watchdog website that highlights potentially problematic practices in adoption.  It is highly critical of the adoption industry, which sometimes sets parents up for failure, as well as government agencies responsible for the welfare of children.  They provide a list of red flags, which represent potential risks in a given adoption situation.  None of them necessarily has to be a showstopper, but are important to keep in mind in assessing a course of action.

Adoption is not unique in this regard.  Many young women have a similarly idealized image of babies, prompting them to get pregnant without adequate preparation.  In most cases, though, they spend their pregnancy preparing and adjusting their expectations.  They also have mentors (mothers, aunts, older friends) who can support them through the hard times.  As a result, most mothers learn to mother their babies effectively.  With adoption, these resources are less available, since there are fewer potential mentors in the community.  They are there, but they need to be actively sought out.

Just in time!

With little over a week before his 16th birthday would make him ineligible for American international adoption, a family has committed to adopting "Brenton".

Now he really has a reason to be so happy -- and he doesn't even know it yet!

And this one?

UPDATE!!!!

As I said yesterday, about 85% of children with special needs who find themselves in adult institutions in Eastern Europe die within a year of transfer.

"Brenton" is almost 16 years old.  He has Down syndrome.  He is in an institution in Ukraine.

Does he really look like a 15-year-old?

Having escaped becoming a statistic all these years, he has just over a week before he "ages out" from being eligible for American international adoption.  Some other countries permit international adoption until age 18 or even later, but for Americans, 16 is the cutoff.

"Brenton" is in the institution documented in the video below:



As you can see, there are some people working hard on making changes in this institution. But even in the best-case scenario, this is NOT where a young person should look forward to spending the rest of his life!

Julia Nalle has more information about "Brenton" here. I hope his family finds him soon!

Why adoption matters

Most people think of adoption as just an alternative way to add another child to a family, and it is certainly that.

But there are times and situations when it can be a catalyst for many other ripples and effects.

It can raise awareness in the adopting family and community to the level of need, whether in domestic foster care or in foreign institutions and orphanages.

And it can bring hope to those foreign institutions and orphanages (and their societies) that the children who have been previously rejected can have a future where they are loved and cared for.

Julia and Rob Nalle adopted a boy with Arthrogryposis (a physical disability) three years ago. Here is their story about the ripples that their adoption has had so far.

Blogs I follow

There are a few blogs that I follow especially closely.  I have read their stories back to the beginning of the blog, and have been following them for the past year and a half in real time.

First is the Musser family.  Until their tenth child was born with Trisomy 21, they were just a large, rural, Christian family living in Amish country in Pennsylvania. Little Verity introduced her mom to the Down syndrome community, and opened her eyes to the plight of children with disabilities in foreign orphanages and institutions. While still learning the ropes of taking care of a special needs baby, they committed to adopting a little girl with T21 in Bulgaria. This child, whom they would name Katie, turned out to suffer from much more than a chromosomal variation.  Warehoused in a substandard orphanage, she was literally starved, weighing less than 10 lbs. when they brought her home at almost 10 years of age.  While they nurtured her and healed her from the years of neglect, the Mussers realized that many other children in the same institution are similarly suffering.  Susanna Musser singlehandedly publicized the Pleven orphanage, inspiring dozens of families to adopt children with various disabilities from there, as well as bringing about structural changes in the orphanage itself.  They recently adopted one more child from there themselves, a boy with Cerebral Palsy who was about to age out of the international adoption program.  Susanna writes beautifully and passionately, not shying away from showing the tough side of special needs adoption, while also clearly portraying the beauty in it. She is highly motivated by her Christian faith, and refers to it often, but communicates her own experience independently of the New Testament quotes. She also includes many beautiful photographs of her lovely children.

Then there is the Alan family.  Renee has professional background as a therapist, and she and her husband have fostered many children with and without disabilities before embarking on an adoption. They adopted a 5-year-old girl with severe Cerebral Palsy in early 2012.  Unlike Susanna, Renee found her child's institution to be surprisingly good.  The children appeared to be well taken care of, and well adjusted as a result. It was clear that they desperately needed families, though, as no opportunities awaited them once they would grow up. Like Susanna, she advocated tirelessly for the children she had met, until the vast majority of those eligible for adoption have been adopted.  She writes in a more rambling, Hemingway-esque style, offering minute details and weaving multiple thoughts into each blog post.  She also punctuates her writing with New Testament quotes, but the value of her writing is in the realistic picture she paints of the experience of special needs adoption.  More recently she returned to Ukraine to adopt 3 more children with special needs, and has been writing extensively about FAS, CP, and other issues.

Finally, there is the Spring family. Their youngest child (from Leah's first marriage) has Trisomy 21. They were not expecting to conceive any more children, but after Leah traveled to Eastern Europe with her friend Shelley Bedford to assist with her adoption, they realized that adopting another child with T21 was the right choice for them. They have since adopted 3 boys from Serbia, all with T21. Like Susanna and Renee, Leah has been advocating for adoption of children from similar circumstances, in her case, Serbian orphans. Leah's writing is mostly conversational, offering a very comfortable perspective into her daily life.  While she is also Christian, religion does not play a major role on her blog, which is refreshing!

There are many other stories I follow -- just look on the right side-bar!  But these are the most consistently informative reads on this subject.

Psalm 80:15-20

Seems like a double-meaning on the word אִמַּצְתָּ. Most translations, both Jewish and Christian, render it as "strengthened", but in common usage it means "adopted".  Hmmm.

:טו. אֱלֹהִים צְבָאוֹת שׁוּב נָא הַבֵּט מִשָּׁמַיִם וּרְאֵה וּפְקֹד גֶּפֶן זֹאת

:טז. וְכַנָּה אֲשֶׁר נָטְעָה יְמִינֶךָ וְעַל בֵּן אִמַּצְתָּה לָּךְ

:יז. שְׂרֻפָה בָאֵשׁ כְּסוּחָה מִגַּעֲרַת פָּנֶיךָ יֹאבֵדוּ

:יח. תְּהִי יָדְךָ עַל אִישׁ יְמִינֶךָ עַל בֶּן אָדָם אִמַּצְתָּ לָּךְ

:יט. וְלֹא נָסוֹג מִמֶּךָּ תְּחַיֵּינוּ וּבְשִׁמְךָ נִקְרָא

:כ. יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהִים צְבָאוֹת הֲשִׁיבֵנוּ הָאֵר פָּנֶיךָ וְנִוָּשֵׁעָה

This could have been us - continued

I have blogged before about why I feel a special connection to this family, even though we don't actually know each other.

So every time they post an update, it is almost a personal check-in for me.  Is this something that I could see my family handling?  How would this situation have played out with my family?

Hydrocephalus

This little boy is the same age as my youngest child:

Only 3 years old, his head is too heavy for him to even sit up, so he lies in his crib 24/7.

What will his fate be? Left untreated, in the orphanage, he would probably die by the time he is 5 or 6 years old.

However, some people believe that this is not a foregone conclusion. In this country, most children born with hydrocephalus are treated in infancy and then grow and develop normally. Some people are prepared to give this chance to children like this little boy, put themselves out there, and adopt them.

Here is the little boy from that last link again, in an update from 2 months ago.  Adopted when he was already 5 years old, he looked pretty hopeless.   Just over a year - and several operations - later, he is learning to walk and communicate with his family, and making beautiful progress.

Following a story

One of the first children who caught my attention on Reece's Rainbow when I first discovered it last year was a little Russian boy with the profile name "Arnold".  He was approaching his 4th birthday, at which point he would be likely transferred to an older-children's orphanage with poorer care, or even an adult mental institution.  His region only considered families with up to 3 children for placement, so I knew that even if by miracle my family got on board with this idea AND we did all the background paperwork, we would not qualify, but I kept following him as a Mormon family committed to him, finally bringing him home just in the nick of time before Russia stopped adoptions to Americans.

This boy has been home for several months, and I still like to check up on how he is doing, as I follow many stories on my sidebar.  On the spectrum of T21 adoptions, he is remarkably high-functioning, and seems to be adapting beautifully to family life.  And he is a cutie, too!

Torah Connection - Baha'alotkha

This week, the sacred tasks are handed to the various sub-groups of priests, the first post-exodus Passover is celebrated, and life settles into something of a routine for the traveling former slaves.  Alas, boredom leads to whining, and whining - as we all know - leads to parental fatigue:

10 Moses heard the people weeping, every clan apart, each person at the entrance of his tent. The Lord was very angry, and Moses was distressed. 11 And Moses said to the Lord, "Why have You dealt ill with Your servant, and why have I not enjoyed Your favor, that You have laid the burden of all this people upon me? 12 Did I conceive all this people, did I bear them, that You should say to me, 'Carry them in your bosom as a nurse carries an infant,' to the land that You have promised on oath to their fathers? 13 Where am I to get meat to give to all this people, when they whine before me and say, 'Give us meat to eat!' 14 I cannot carry all this people by myself, for it is too much for me. 15 If You would deal thus with me, kill me rather, I beg You, and let me see no more of my wretchedness!"

Moses is likening himself to an adoptive parent!  And he is resenting the peoples' growing pains.And G*d responds,

16 Then the Lord said to Moses, "Gather for Me seventy of Israel's elders of whom you have experience as elders and officers of the people, and bring them to the Tent of Meeting and let them take their place there with you. 17 I will come down and speak with you there, and I will draw upon the spirit that is on you and put it upon them; they shall share the burden of the people with you, and you shall not bear it alone.

Wow - the solution to parental fatigue is - community!  Who'd'a thunk?
He continues:

18 And say to the people: Purify yourselves for tomorrow and you shall eat meat, for you have kept whining before the Lord and saying, 'If only we had meat to eat! Indeed, we were better off in Egypt!' The Lord will give you meat and you shall eat. 19 You shall eat not one day, not two, not even five days or ten or twenty, 20 but a whole month, until it comes out of your nostrils and becomes loathsome to you. For you have rejected the Lord who is among you, by whining before Him and saying, 'Oh, why did we ever leave Egypt!'"

The answer to the whining is to provide such plenty that plates are turned back.  How similar to stories of adopted children, who typically hoard both food and possessions until they are secure in the knowledge that their new family will continue to provide, and that food will always be available.

The title of this parsha - "Baha'alotkha" - literally means "as you raise up".  In context it refers to the ceremonial lamps, but this seems like good advice for "raising up" children, as well.

Almost Shavuot - A Mother's Day perspective

Shavuot tradition is the reading of the Book of Ruth.  The story begins with Elimelech, a man of the tribe of Judah and his wife Naomi, as the to to the land of Moab in search of food during a drought.  While there, the man and his two sons die, leaving Naomi and two daughters-in-law.   Naomi set about to return to Bethlehem, and instructed the young Moabite widows, Orpah and Ruth, to return to their families.  Neither wishes to leave their mother-in-law, but Orpah eventually relents and bids her farewell.  Ruth, on the other hand, refuses, and utters the sentence which is seen as the model for Jewish conversion:

טז  וַתֹּאמֶר רוּת אַל-תִּפְגְּעִי-בִי, לְעָזְבֵךְ לָשׁוּב מֵאַחֲרָיִךְ:  כִּי אֶל-אֲשֶׁר תֵּלְכִי אֵלֵךְ, וּבַאֲשֶׁר תָּלִינִי אָלִין--עַמֵּךְ עַמִּי, וֵאלֹהַיִךְ אֱלֹהָי.	16 And Ruth said: 'Entreat me not to leave thee, and to return from following after thee; for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge; thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God;
יז  בַּאֲשֶׁר תָּמוּתִי אָמוּת, וְשָׁם אֶקָּבֵר; כֹּה יַעֲשֶׂה יְהוָה לִי, וְכֹה יוֹסִיף--כִּי הַמָּוֶת, יַפְרִיד בֵּינִי וּבֵינֵךְ.	17 where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried; the LORD do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee and me.'

(Ruth is also the model for a Jewish convert insofar as Naomi pushes her away several times before agreeing to take her back to Israel with her.  Unlike proselytizing religions, Judaism does not see conversion as a goal in itself.  The convert must initiate the process and pursue it in spite of opposition.)

At this point, Naomi relents:

יח  וַתֵּרֶא, כִּי-מִתְאַמֶּצֶת הִיא לָלֶכֶת אִתָּהּ; וַתֶּחְדַּל, לְדַבֵּר אֵלֶיהָ.

18 And when she saw that she was steadfastly minded to go with her, she left off speaking unto her.

The verb used, מִתְאַמֶּצֶת, shares a root with אֹמֶץ (courage), מַאֲמָץ (effort) and אִמוּץ (adoption).  Judaism places a great emphasis on the shared familial heritage (patriarchs and matriarchs), and in a real sense, all Jews are felt to be an extended family.  Conversion into Judaism, then, is a form of adoption into this family.  Where Christianity sees religious conversion (being "born-again") as a model for adoption, Judaism sees adoption as a model for conversion.  Judaism also recognizes the courage and effort that are intrinsic to this process.

The story of Ruth continues with her encounter with Boaz, a kinsman of Elimelech.  Again, we see the balance between his sense of family obligation, honor, and charity as Boaz facilitates Ruth and Naomi to glean in his fields without being harassed by the regular laborers.  Also, when Ruth entreats him to take her as a wife, he hesitates, pointing out that there is a "closer kinsman" who would take precedence to marry Elimelech's son's widow.  Only when this other man begs off does Boaz in fact marry Ruth, who then bears Obed, who will be the grandfather of King David.  Naomi helps take care of this child as her own, giving her comfort to ease the pain of her two lost sons.  Naomi the mother has come full circle.

Twice, then, we see keeping blood lines together as the "Plan A" -- Naomi urges Orpah and Ruth to return to their families, and Boaz seeks a "closer kinsman" as husband for Ruth.  It is recognized that adoption is not the ideal - the ideal would have been for the original families to have stayed together.  So much pain was caused for the individuals involved!  So much brokenness!

However, it is out of this brokenness - with much courage and effort - that the lineage of King David was established.