Haftorah Beam - Mishpatim

The Torah portion begins with the commandments governing the ethical treatment of slaves.  The Haftorah reading follows up on this theme with a historical account of the people having been directed to release their slaves:

¹⁰ Everyone, officials and people, who had entered into the covenant agreed to set their male and female slaves free and not keep them enslaved any longer; they complied and let them go. ¹¹ But afterward they turned about and brought back the men and women they had set free, and forced them into slavery again. 

Reading this, I can't help but think of the goings-on in Ukraine right now.  If you can read Russian (or use Google Translate), check out this account.  The Ukrainian people have tried time and again to throw off the Russian yoke, and always, the Russian military shows little restraint in crushing these efforts. Ukrainian land was historically the breadbasket of Russia. Setting Ukraine free leads to food shortages in Moscow and St. Petersburg.  Can Ukraine find enough allies to break free for good?

Just in time!

With little over a week before his 16th birthday would make him ineligible for American international adoption, a family has committed to adopting "Brenton".

Now he really has a reason to be so happy -- and he doesn't even know it yet!

And this one?

UPDATE!!!!

As I said yesterday, about 85% of children with special needs who find themselves in adult institutions in Eastern Europe die within a year of transfer.

"Brenton" is almost 16 years old.  He has Down syndrome.  He is in an institution in Ukraine.

Does he really look like a 15-year-old?

Having escaped becoming a statistic all these years, he has just over a week before he "ages out" from being eligible for American international adoption.  Some other countries permit international adoption until age 18 or even later, but for Americans, 16 is the cutoff.

"Brenton" is in the institution documented in the video below:



As you can see, there are some people working hard on making changes in this institution. But even in the best-case scenario, this is NOT where a young person should look forward to spending the rest of his life!

Julia Nalle has more information about "Brenton" here. I hope his family finds him soon!

Why adoption matters

Most people think of adoption as just an alternative way to add another child to a family, and it is certainly that.

But there are times and situations when it can be a catalyst for many other ripples and effects.

It can raise awareness in the adopting family and community to the level of need, whether in domestic foster care or in foreign institutions and orphanages.

And it can bring hope to those foreign institutions and orphanages (and their societies) that the children who have been previously rejected can have a future where they are loved and cared for.

Julia and Rob Nalle adopted a boy with Arthrogryposis (a physical disability) three years ago. Here is their story about the ripples that their adoption has had so far.

Tikva orphanage update - Please help!

Last year, I wrote an upbeat post about a Ukrainian orphanage for Jewish children, and contrasted it with the abysmal care offered in many state-run institutions.  A Facebook friend shared this update with me:

In a Ukrainian Jewish orphanage, Tikva, economic downturn hits home

Apparently, the economic downturn has hit it hard, and they are in need of donations. Please help and share!

Blogs I follow

There are a few blogs that I follow especially closely.  I have read their stories back to the beginning of the blog, and have been following them for the past year and a half in real time.

First is the Musser family.  Until their tenth child was born with Trisomy 21, they were just a large, rural, Christian family living in Amish country in Pennsylvania. Little Verity introduced her mom to the Down syndrome community, and opened her eyes to the plight of children with disabilities in foreign orphanages and institutions. While still learning the ropes of taking care of a special needs baby, they committed to adopting a little girl with T21 in Bulgaria. This child, whom they would name Katie, turned out to suffer from much more than a chromosomal variation.  Warehoused in a substandard orphanage, she was literally starved, weighing less than 10 lbs. when they brought her home at almost 10 years of age.  While they nurtured her and healed her from the years of neglect, the Mussers realized that many other children in the same institution are similarly suffering.  Susanna Musser singlehandedly publicized the Pleven orphanage, inspiring dozens of families to adopt children with various disabilities from there, as well as bringing about structural changes in the orphanage itself.  They recently adopted one more child from there themselves, a boy with Cerebral Palsy who was about to age out of the international adoption program.  Susanna writes beautifully and passionately, not shying away from showing the tough side of special needs adoption, while also clearly portraying the beauty in it. She is highly motivated by her Christian faith, and refers to it often, but communicates her own experience independently of the New Testament quotes. She also includes many beautiful photographs of her lovely children.

Then there is the Alan family.  Renee has professional background as a therapist, and she and her husband have fostered many children with and without disabilities before embarking on an adoption. They adopted a 5-year-old girl with severe Cerebral Palsy in early 2012.  Unlike Susanna, Renee found her child's institution to be surprisingly good.  The children appeared to be well taken care of, and well adjusted as a result. It was clear that they desperately needed families, though, as no opportunities awaited them once they would grow up. Like Susanna, she advocated tirelessly for the children she had met, until the vast majority of those eligible for adoption have been adopted.  She writes in a more rambling, Hemingway-esque style, offering minute details and weaving multiple thoughts into each blog post.  She also punctuates her writing with New Testament quotes, but the value of her writing is in the realistic picture she paints of the experience of special needs adoption.  More recently she returned to Ukraine to adopt 3 more children with special needs, and has been writing extensively about FAS, CP, and other issues.

Finally, there is the Spring family. Their youngest child (from Leah's first marriage) has Trisomy 21. They were not expecting to conceive any more children, but after Leah traveled to Eastern Europe with her friend Shelley Bedford to assist with her adoption, they realized that adopting another child with T21 was the right choice for them. They have since adopted 3 boys from Serbia, all with T21. Like Susanna and Renee, Leah has been advocating for adoption of children from similar circumstances, in her case, Serbian orphans. Leah's writing is mostly conversational, offering a very comfortable perspective into her daily life.  While she is also Christian, religion does not play a major role on her blog, which is refreshing!

There are many other stories I follow -- just look on the right side-bar!  But these are the most consistently informative reads on this subject.

Baruch Dayan Emet

An orphan died.  Last week?  2 weeks ago?  We don't really know.  At some point a file was updated, and we learned that this little boy is no more:

His hydrocephalus left untreated, he died alone, unattended, and was likely buried unceremoniously on a weed-infested hillside behind the orphanage, alongside many others who preceded him:




A Canadian citizen, born with a similar condition, but fortunate enough to have had the benefit of modern medical treatment and the love of his family, has organized a special memorial service for this child at a local Russian Orthodox church.  This service will take place this coming Friday, July 26.  Will you please join me in lighting a candle (virtual or physical) for the boy we know only as "Hanson"?

Bayom hahu, bayom hahu, yihie Adonay ekhad, ushmo Ekhad.

On that day, G*d shall be one, and His name is One.

Although we are of different nationalities and religions, let us remember this young life cut short.

Aging out!

Here is a boy who looks no bigger than my 4-year-old:

No, he is not aging out of a baby house.  He will be turning 16 years old in June!  Can you imagine?  According to US immigration laws, once he turns 16 he may not be adopted by an American family.  Of course, the chances of him being adopted domestically in Ukraine are slim to none.  Most likely he will remain in the mental institution until he dies, which will probably happen all too soon, and he will be buried on the overgrown hillside in an unmarked grave.

You can see his institution in this video:


He has Cerebral Palsy and seborrheic dermatitis, but his greatest problem is clearly malnutrition and the lack of a family. He has significant delays, as could be expected, but he is a happy, smiley boy:

He does not walk or stand, and can't even use a spoon.  Is there a family out there who can help him?

Ukraine

I recently came across a blog that had a fairly unique perspective on Down syndrome, especially how it is treated in Ukraine.

Gillian Marchenko was an American missionary living in Ukraine with her husband and 3 children.  When she gave birth to her 4th child in a Ukrainian hospital, she was told that her baby has Down syndrome.   She then experienced first hand as the medical staff encouraged her to relinquish the child to institutional care:

Russian mutterings swirled above me, “neecheevo, pearestine krechat,” –it’s nothing, stop crying. I once again found myself deaf and dumb. Dazed, I gulped down the thick liquid. Polly’s doctor stood closest to my head on the left side of the bed.

“Stop crying!” she said. “Yes, it’s terrible that your daughter has Down syndrome, but you have options. You can terminate your parenting rights or take her to live in the village. Take her some place quiet. She’ll play. Life is slow there. Now, stop crying!” Everyone around me nodded and patted me, muttering again, “neecheevo, Gillian, neechevo.” It’s nothing, Gillian, it’s nothing.

One can just imagine how such advice would be received by a local woman, who lacks the benefit of Gillian's cosmopolitan experience and American diversity - especially under the influence of the "thick liquid" she was given.

Fast forward 3 years, after the initial shock of the diagnosis had been replaced with optimism and advocacy for her lovely daughter with Down syndrome.  Gillian and her husband return to Ukraine to adopt another child with Down syndrome.   Now she experienced the flip-side of the "medical" advice she had received earlier:

“Why do you want a sick child? We have several other children who are much better than her, ” one woman said while Evangeline sat in my lap, her face covered in dried snot. Her legs crusty with dirt. “She is an imbecile,” the worker coolly glanced away as her words hit me like rocks.

Although the two girls are fairly close in age, and although the second child was adopted while still quite young, the difference in their development is striking, and persists even several years later.  Polly runs, dances, sings and plays.  She goes to school and is learning to read and write.  Evie is non-verbal, and is still struggling with basic structures of family living.  She has recently begun to make progress in communication using pictures.  Is this what Polly would have been like had she been left behind at birth? Conversely, what would Evie's life have looked like had she been spared orphanage life completely?

One special one

Is there "one special child" waiting there for you?

No.  There are many thousands of individual children, each of them totally real and unique, each special, each needy (though probably not waiting.... as they don't know that there is anything out there worth waiting for).    Does the fact that there are many of them in any way diminish the "specialness" of each one?  Does the overwhelming extent of the total need diminish from the specific needs of each particular child?

=====

This video is about 8 months old, but I just became aware of it yesterday.  It is long (1.5 hours) but worthwhile.

The totality of the problem IS overwhelming.  It is rooted in history, in poverty, and in prejudice.  It is present in developing countries, in advanced countries, and in our own hearts.  A few of the children featured in the video above have found homes since it was aired.  We celebrate that, even while recognizing that they are but a drop in the bucket.   Yes, their adoption and rescue made a world of difference for those individuals, but it did not change the system that led to their suffering in the first place.

=====

How do we make actual change happen?  Clearly adoption of children who are trapped in bad systems is a part of it, but it cannot be the entirety of the solution.  There are many other parts:

1. Seeing the humanity of people with disabilities in our own communities.  Working to integrate them more fully into the life of our communities.
2. Creating a community where adoption of high-needs children is less overwhelming.
3. Maintaining communication with orphanages and mental institutions, so that they can better learn how to help children with disabilities reach their potential.
4. Maintaining connection to the children's birth countries, both for the benefit of the child, and so that parents and others in those countries can see children with disabilities who are happy and functional, not "useless eaters" who are to be hidden away in remote institutions.

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All too often, families in the special-needs adoption community remain inwards-looking.  They take care of their own families, and they seek out similar families for affirmation and bonding.  But it seems as though these mega-families are trying to solve the whole problem themselves, by adopting multiple children over and over again.  My vision through Matir Asurim is to connect to the wider community in the ways indicated above, so that instead of 1% of the population adopting several children each, we might instead see 10% or more adopting one child each, so that adoption becomes normalized.

I think that Judaism, with its emphasis on community, is well-suited for this manner of addressing the problem.  We are less concerned with "individual salvation" as with being a "holy nation".  This is what Tikkun Olam is about.  Not about that "one special one" but about society as a whole.

=====

I think part of the picture is family size.  Communities that tend to support adoption also tend to have larger families.  There are several reasons for this.

1. People who want only one or two children are more likely to be concerned with those children being "perfect".  This is especially common for families with only children, who are showered with every advantage even before conception.
2. Likewise, people with only one or two children see each addition as overwhelming. Indeed, the change from zero to one is profound, and from one to two nearly so.  It is easy for these parents to imagine the burden of further additions as linear.  I know people look at me and my five children and think I am some kind of supermom.  Not so!  The challenges of larger families are different than those of smaller families, but not really harder.  I recall being no more competent a parent of one, two or three children than I am now a parent of 5.
3. Larger families give parents a perspective on the uniqueness of each child. I remember when I had my first, thinking that "this is what child-rearing is about".  She was the entire universe of children for me.  Then I had my second, and everything became binary: Social/Loner, Right brain/Left brain etc.  With more children, these false dichotomies dissolve.  Each child is his/her own configuration of traits, strengths and challenges. As such, the idea of a child with more pronounced disabilities seems to fall more within the landscape of my child-concept than when that concept was defined by just one or two data points.  In math, we say that 2 points define a line, 3 points define a plane, and 4 points define a space.  The more data points we have, the greater the dimentionality of what we are able to imagine.

=====

So, is there "one special one"? Or many thousands of "special ones"?  What does "special" mean? What will we make it mean?

Baruch Dayan Emet

Since I became aware of the wholesale abandonment and neglect of children with special needs in most of the world - even places I thought were "civilized" - there were a handful of children who struck a special chord in my heart.  One of them was taken home by his parents!  A couple have been adopted, and I am following their stories as they emerge from their cocoon of institutionalization and becoming the brilliant butterflies they were meant to be. And a couple are trapped behind the Russian adoption ban, unless a European or domestic Russian family comes forward for them.

Sasha was spoken for.  A family had committed to adopting him, to take him out of the Level 4 Institute he had recently been transferred to and bring him home. To help him recover from the severe malnutrition he had clearly been suffering from.  To provide for his many known and unknown medical needs.  And to love him unconditionally.

They were due to travel to Ukraine in 5 weeks.

35 days.

And now he is dead.  Most likely buried in an unmarked grave in a field among the other children who died before their time, for the same reason or similar reasons.   Maybe a cross is planted over his undersized corpse.  But no-one will visit his grave.  No one will pray over it.

Sasha was the second child listed on Reece's Rainbow to die as an orphan since the beginning of 2013. The first one was a little girl with the screen name "Stacy", also with Down syndrome, also recently transferred:

It has been documented that the overwhelming majority (estimated around 85%) of children with Down syndrome who are placed in these "mental institutions" die within a year of transfer.

How many more will needlessly die this year, for want of food, medical care, and LOVE?

Adonay natan.  Adonai lakakh.  Yehi shem Adonai mevorakh.
The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord.

They were going to name him Jonathan - "The Lord gave".

Even in the best cases....

I have written a lot about what happens to children with severe cognitive or physical disabilities in the orphanages and institutions of Eastern Europe (and elsewhere).  How children who are deemed unworthy are left to waste away in cribs. 

But what about children who have only mild or no disability?  Or who have been abandoned to orphanages due to poverty?  How do they fare as wards of the state?

Renee and her husband have just completed the adoption of 3 children from Ukraine, less than a year after adopting a little girl with Cerebral Palsy.  Two of the children were adopted out of the "Baby House", but the third had already been transferred to the older child orphanage.  This is not a mental institution.  The children go to some kind of school, get to play outside, and develop basic competencies. 

But it is NOT a good place.

PLEASE READ this account of what Renee learned about her son's experiences in the few months after transfer once she brought him home (and took him straight to the Children's Hospital....).