Although I am not blogging the entire cycle this year (still waiting for suggestions on a good theme), I am still going to synagogue regularly and following the weekly parsha. This week's parsha introduces the patriarch Abraham, as he is commanded to leave his home and go to the land which G*d will give to him and his descendants.
Many rabbinical discussions speculate on what distinguished Abraham to merit this call. Some create legends out of whole cloth, suggesting that as a small child he saw the folly of idol worship. Others see him as an adult, observing the world and concluding that there must be a Creator. Some conclude that G*d calls each and every one of us, just as He called Adam in the Garden of Eden. It is up to us to respond appropriately.
I have an edition of the Torah which breaks the text thematically rather than strictly along Parsha lines. This edition clued me in to a much more organic explanation of Abraham's prophetic encounter. His childhood is not a total mystery, to be shrouded in legends. The end of Parshat Noah gives some extensive detail:
What do we know here? Abraham (then Abram) was the eldest of three sons. His youngest brother Haran died as a young father, leaving behind a son (Lot) and two daughters (Milcah and Iscah). Does Abram feel any guilt in this? As the eldest, does he feel responsible for the tragedy, or for its consequences? His middle brother marries his niece Milcah and (as we learn later) has 8 children with her, as well as 4 children by a concubine. In the meantime Abram marries his (as we later learn) half-sister Sarai, who turns out to be barren.
In the midst of all this, his aging father decides to uproot from the city of Ur and head towards Canaan. (Did he have a divine call in this? What did this trip mean to the father, who had buried his youngest son?) He takes with him his childless son and daughter-in-law, as well as his orphaned grandson Lot. Abram and Sarai develop a sort of foster-parenting relationship with Lot. Nahor and his large clan are left behind. How does this impact Abram? Disconnected from his familiar town, his friends, and his remaining brother and his family.
Terah, Abram, Sarai and Lot never do arrive in Canaan. They stop in Haran. In Hebrew this is spelled differently than the deceased brother's name, although this could be a transcription error, as the letters חָ and הָ are quite similar. It may well be that they named their stopping-point in his memory. Why do they stop? How does Terah feel about not making it to Canaan? How does Abram feel about this?
It is in this context that Abram hear's G*d's call:
G*d's promise does not come in a vacuum. G*d is promising to make right everything that went wrong in Abram's life. He will have progeny, he will be a blessing rather than a curse to others (still feeling guilty about his little brother....) and he will complete his father's mission by arriving in Canaan.
This, indeed, is a person with whom we can identify! Living through personal loss and disconnection, Abram sees in the divine an opportunity for deliverance. He seeks to create a meaning for his life that is greater than the everyday details of his existence. He has made a good living in Haran, but he is not settled. He needs more. He needs validation that there is a meaning and value to his losses.
And then G*d speaks to him.
Showing posts with label orphan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label orphan. Show all posts
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Thursday, September 26, 2013
And this one?
UPDATE!!!!
As I said yesterday, about 85% of children with special needs who find themselves in adult institutions in Eastern Europe die within a year of transfer.
"Brenton" is almost 16 years old. He has Down syndrome. He is in an institution in Ukraine.
Having escaped becoming a statistic all these years, he has just over a week before he "ages out" from being eligible for American international adoption. Some other countries permit international adoption until age 18 or even later, but for Americans, 16 is the cutoff.
"Brenton" is in the institution documented in the video below:
As you can see, there are some people working hard on making changes in this institution. But even in the best-case scenario, this is NOT where a young person should look forward to spending the rest of his life!
Julia Nalle has more information about "Brenton" here. I hope his family finds him soon!
As I said yesterday, about 85% of children with special needs who find themselves in adult institutions in Eastern Europe die within a year of transfer.
"Brenton" is almost 16 years old. He has Down syndrome. He is in an institution in Ukraine.
 |
| Does he really look like a 15-year-old? |
Having escaped becoming a statistic all these years, he has just over a week before he "ages out" from being eligible for American international adoption. Some other countries permit international adoption until age 18 or even later, but for Americans, 16 is the cutoff.
"Brenton" is in the institution documented in the video below:
As you can see, there are some people working hard on making changes in this institution. But even in the best-case scenario, this is NOT where a young person should look forward to spending the rest of his life!
Julia Nalle has more information about "Brenton" here. I hope his family finds him soon!
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
It is still happening
Here in the US, orphanages were mostly phased out in the 1970's, as it was determined that foster care provides better opportunities for development in a more family-like environment. Foster care is far from perfect, of course, and many children passing through the system are severely traumatized by repeated reassignments, as well as outright abuse and neglect. It is, however, far superior to the alternative which it replaced.
In most of Eastern Europe, orphan care looks like this: Young babies and toddlers are placed in "Baby Houses", or orphanages for the pre-school set, where they live with their "groupa" and have basic needs met by orphanage staff. The staff may be caring or abusive, depending on the orphanage, but in most places the baby houses are more or less ok.
As they reach school age, healthy, typical children are transferred to an older-child orphanage ("internat"), where they go to school together with their groupa-mates. Children with disabilities (whether mental, physical, or medical), however, are usually transferred to an adult mental institution. Care at these places is usually far, far worse. Most American animal shelters are held to a higher standard than these institutions. Children are routinely underfed and denied medical attention. Many are drugged in order to keep them quiet, tied down to their cribs. Vulnerable and forgotten, they are frequently victimized, beaten and abused by the very people charged with their care.
Fully 85% of special-needs children transferred to adult mental institutions die within their first year there. "Kyle", whose chance to be adopted dropped to near-zero last year when Russia outlawed international adoption to Americans, has joined these statistics this week.
In most of Eastern Europe, orphan care looks like this: Young babies and toddlers are placed in "Baby Houses", or orphanages for the pre-school set, where they live with their "groupa" and have basic needs met by orphanage staff. The staff may be caring or abusive, depending on the orphanage, but in most places the baby houses are more or less ok.
 |
| "Kyle" as an adorable toddler with Down syndrome at a Russian baby house, 2 years ago. |
As they reach school age, healthy, typical children are transferred to an older-child orphanage ("internat"), where they go to school together with their groupa-mates. Children with disabilities (whether mental, physical, or medical), however, are usually transferred to an adult mental institution. Care at these places is usually far, far worse. Most American animal shelters are held to a higher standard than these institutions. Children are routinely underfed and denied medical attention. Many are drugged in order to keep them quiet, tied down to their cribs. Vulnerable and forgotten, they are frequently victimized, beaten and abused by the very people charged with their care.
 |
| "Kyle" shortly after transfer to a mental institution last year. |
Fully 85% of special-needs children transferred to adult mental institutions die within their first year there. "Kyle", whose chance to be adopted dropped to near-zero last year when Russia outlawed international adoption to Americans, has joined these statistics this week.
 |
| Baruch Dayan Emet, "Kyle" |
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Baruch Dayan Emet
An orphan died. Last week? 2 weeks ago? We don't really know. At some point a file was updated, and we learned that this little boy is no more:
His hydrocephalus left untreated, he died alone, unattended, and was likely buried unceremoniously on a weed-infested hillside behind the orphanage, alongside many others who preceded him:
A Canadian citizen, born with a similar condition, but fortunate enough to have had the benefit of modern medical treatment and the love of his family, has organized a special memorial service for this child at a local Russian Orthodox church. This service will take place this coming Friday, July 26. Will you please join me in lighting a candle (virtual or physical) for the boy we know only as "Hanson"?
Bayom hahu, bayom hahu, yihie Adonay ekhad, ushmo Ekhad.
On that day, G*d shall be one, and His name is One.
Although we are of different nationalities and religions, let us remember this young life cut short.
Friday, June 7, 2013
Hydrocephalus
This little boy is the same age as my youngest child:
Only 3 years old, his head is too heavy for him to even sit up, so he lies in his crib 24/7.
What will his fate be? Left untreated, in the orphanage, he would probably die by the time he is 5 or 6 years old.
However, some people believe that this is not a foregone conclusion. In this country, most children born with hydrocephalus are treated in infancy and then grow and develop normally. Some people are prepared to give this chance to children like this little boy, put themselves out there, and adopt them.
Here is the little boy from that last link again, in an update from 2 months ago. Adopted when he was already 5 years old, he looked pretty hopeless. Just over a year - and several operations - later, he is learning to walk and communicate with his family, and making beautiful progress.
Only 3 years old, his head is too heavy for him to even sit up, so he lies in his crib 24/7.
What will his fate be? Left untreated, in the orphanage, he would probably die by the time he is 5 or 6 years old.
However, some people believe that this is not a foregone conclusion. In this country, most children born with hydrocephalus are treated in infancy and then grow and develop normally. Some people are prepared to give this chance to children like this little boy, put themselves out there, and adopt them.
Here is the little boy from that last link again, in an update from 2 months ago. Adopted when he was already 5 years old, he looked pretty hopeless. Just over a year - and several operations - later, he is learning to walk and communicate with his family, and making beautiful progress.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Hosting programs
I have talked on this blog about helping abandoned/orphaned children through adoption or in-country programs. There is another kind of program, though. There are organizations which facilitate American families hosting an older orphan for a summer or a shorter vacation, after which the child returns to his/her country of origin. This allows families to visualize integrating a foreign child into their lives without a long-term commitment. It also allows the child to visualize what life in a family might be like, thereby ameliorating the transition once an adoptive family steps forward. The child also gets to learn some English, as well as American culture. Finally, the family is well-positioned to advocate for the child and answer questions that a potential adoptive family might have about him/her, thereby dramatically improving the chances for placement.
I have not previously written about these programs, though, because the vast majority of them are Christian-affiliated. They will only place children in practicing Christian families, and proselytization of the children is an integral part of their mission (no pun intended).
An exception has just come to my attention though. Project 143 is a non-religiously-affiliated hosting organization. Applications are being processed right now for Summer 2013 hosting opportunities, or you can donate money to help sponsor children's airfare to meet their host families.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
One special one
Is there "one special child" waiting there for you?
No. There are many thousands of individual children, each of them totally real and unique, each special, each needy (though probably not waiting.... as they don't know that there is anything out there worth waiting for). Does the fact that there are many of them in any way diminish the "specialness" of each one? Does the overwhelming extent of the total need diminish from the specific needs of each particular child?
=====
This video is about 8 months old, but I just became aware of it yesterday. It is long (1.5 hours) but worthwhile.
The totality of the problem IS overwhelming. It is rooted in history, in poverty, and in prejudice. It is present in developing countries, in advanced countries, and in our own hearts. A few of the children featured in the video above have found homes since it was aired. We celebrate that, even while recognizing that they are but a drop in the bucket. Yes, their adoption and rescue made a world of difference for those individuals, but it did not change the system that led to their suffering in the first place.
=====
How do we make actual change happen? Clearly adoption of children who are trapped in bad systems is a part of it, but it cannot be the entirety of the solution. There are many other parts:
1. Seeing the humanity of people with disabilities in our own communities. Working to integrate them more fully into the life of our communities.
2. Creating a community where adoption of high-needs children is less overwhelming.
3. Maintaining communication with orphanages and mental institutions, so that they can better learn how to help children with disabilities reach their potential.
4. Maintaining connection to the children's birth countries, both for the benefit of the child, and so that parents and others in those countries can see children with disabilities who are happy and functional, not "useless eaters" who are to be hidden away in remote institutions.
=====
All too often, families in the special-needs adoption community remain inwards-looking. They take care of their own families, and they seek out similar families for affirmation and bonding. But it seems as though these mega-families are trying to solve the whole problem themselves, by adopting multiple children over and over again. My vision through Matir Asurim is to connect to the wider community in the ways indicated above, so that instead of 1% of the population adopting several children each, we might instead see 10% or more adopting one child each, so that adoption becomes normalized.
I think that Judaism, with its emphasis on community, is well-suited for this manner of addressing the problem. We are less concerned with "individual salvation" as with being a "holy nation". This is what Tikkun Olam is about. Not about that "one special one" but about society as a whole.
=====
I think part of the picture is family size. Communities that tend to support adoption also tend to have larger families. There are several reasons for this.
1. People who want only one or two children are more likely to be concerned with those children being "perfect". This is especially common for families with only children, who are showered with every advantage even before conception.
2. Likewise, people with only one or two children see each addition as overwhelming. Indeed, the change from zero to one is profound, and from one to two nearly so. It is easy for these parents to imagine the burden of further additions as linear. I know people look at me and my five children and think I am some kind of supermom. Not so! The challenges of larger families are different than those of smaller families, but not really harder. I recall being no more competent a parent of one, two or three children than I am now a parent of 5.
3. Larger families give parents a perspective on the uniqueness of each child. I remember when I had my first, thinking that "this is what child-rearing is about". She was the entire universe of children for me. Then I had my second, and everything became binary: Social/Loner, Right brain/Left brain etc. With more children, these false dichotomies dissolve. Each child is his/her own configuration of traits, strengths and challenges. As such, the idea of a child with more pronounced disabilities seems to fall more within the landscape of my child-concept than when that concept was defined by just one or two data points. In math, we say that 2 points define a line, 3 points define a plane, and 4 points define a space. The more data points we have, the greater the dimentionality of what we are able to imagine.
=====
So, is there "one special one"? Or many thousands of "special ones"? What does "special" mean? What will we make it mean?
No. There are many thousands of individual children, each of them totally real and unique, each special, each needy (though probably not waiting.... as they don't know that there is anything out there worth waiting for). Does the fact that there are many of them in any way diminish the "specialness" of each one? Does the overwhelming extent of the total need diminish from the specific needs of each particular child?
=====
This video is about 8 months old, but I just became aware of it yesterday. It is long (1.5 hours) but worthwhile.
The totality of the problem IS overwhelming. It is rooted in history, in poverty, and in prejudice. It is present in developing countries, in advanced countries, and in our own hearts. A few of the children featured in the video above have found homes since it was aired. We celebrate that, even while recognizing that they are but a drop in the bucket. Yes, their adoption and rescue made a world of difference for those individuals, but it did not change the system that led to their suffering in the first place.
=====
How do we make actual change happen? Clearly adoption of children who are trapped in bad systems is a part of it, but it cannot be the entirety of the solution. There are many other parts:
1. Seeing the humanity of people with disabilities in our own communities. Working to integrate them more fully into the life of our communities.
2. Creating a community where adoption of high-needs children is less overwhelming.
3. Maintaining communication with orphanages and mental institutions, so that they can better learn how to help children with disabilities reach their potential.
4. Maintaining connection to the children's birth countries, both for the benefit of the child, and so that parents and others in those countries can see children with disabilities who are happy and functional, not "useless eaters" who are to be hidden away in remote institutions.
=====
All too often, families in the special-needs adoption community remain inwards-looking. They take care of their own families, and they seek out similar families for affirmation and bonding. But it seems as though these mega-families are trying to solve the whole problem themselves, by adopting multiple children over and over again. My vision through Matir Asurim is to connect to the wider community in the ways indicated above, so that instead of 1% of the population adopting several children each, we might instead see 10% or more adopting one child each, so that adoption becomes normalized.
I think that Judaism, with its emphasis on community, is well-suited for this manner of addressing the problem. We are less concerned with "individual salvation" as with being a "holy nation". This is what Tikkun Olam is about. Not about that "one special one" but about society as a whole.
=====
I think part of the picture is family size. Communities that tend to support adoption also tend to have larger families. There are several reasons for this.
1. People who want only one or two children are more likely to be concerned with those children being "perfect". This is especially common for families with only children, who are showered with every advantage even before conception.
2. Likewise, people with only one or two children see each addition as overwhelming. Indeed, the change from zero to one is profound, and from one to two nearly so. It is easy for these parents to imagine the burden of further additions as linear. I know people look at me and my five children and think I am some kind of supermom. Not so! The challenges of larger families are different than those of smaller families, but not really harder. I recall being no more competent a parent of one, two or three children than I am now a parent of 5.
3. Larger families give parents a perspective on the uniqueness of each child. I remember when I had my first, thinking that "this is what child-rearing is about". She was the entire universe of children for me. Then I had my second, and everything became binary: Social/Loner, Right brain/Left brain etc. With more children, these false dichotomies dissolve. Each child is his/her own configuration of traits, strengths and challenges. As such, the idea of a child with more pronounced disabilities seems to fall more within the landscape of my child-concept than when that concept was defined by just one or two data points. In math, we say that 2 points define a line, 3 points define a plane, and 4 points define a space. The more data points we have, the greater the dimentionality of what we are able to imagine.
=====
So, is there "one special one"? Or many thousands of "special ones"? What does "special" mean? What will we make it mean?
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Baruch Dayan Emet
Since I became aware of the wholesale abandonment and neglect of children with special needs in most of the world - even places I thought were "civilized" - there were a handful of children who struck a special chord in my heart. One of them was taken home by his parents! A couple have been adopted, and I am following their stories as they emerge from their cocoon of institutionalization and becoming the brilliant butterflies they were meant to be. And a couple are trapped behind the Russian adoption ban, unless a European or domestic Russian family comes forward for them.
Sasha was spoken for. A family had committed to adopting him, to take him out of the Level 4 Institute he had recently been transferred to and bring him home. To help him recover from the severe malnutrition he had clearly been suffering from. To provide for his many known and unknown medical needs. And to love him unconditionally.
They were due to travel to Ukraine in 5 weeks.
35 days.
And now he is dead. Most likely buried in an unmarked grave in a field among the other children who died before their time, for the same reason or similar reasons. Maybe a cross is planted over his undersized corpse. But no-one will visit his grave. No one will pray over it.
Sasha was the second child listed on Reece's Rainbow to die as an orphan since the beginning of 2013. The first one was a little girl with the screen name "Stacy", also with Down syndrome, also recently transferred:
It has been documented that the overwhelming majority (estimated around 85%) of children with Down syndrome who are placed in these "mental institutions" die within a year of transfer.
How many more will needlessly die this year, for want of food, medical care, and LOVE?
Adonay natan. Adonai lakakh. Yehi shem Adonai mevorakh.
The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.
They were going to name him Jonathan - "The Lord gave".
Sasha was spoken for. A family had committed to adopting him, to take him out of the Level 4 Institute he had recently been transferred to and bring him home. To help him recover from the severe malnutrition he had clearly been suffering from. To provide for his many known and unknown medical needs. And to love him unconditionally.
They were due to travel to Ukraine in 5 weeks.
35 days.
And now he is dead. Most likely buried in an unmarked grave in a field among the other children who died before their time, for the same reason or similar reasons. Maybe a cross is planted over his undersized corpse. But no-one will visit his grave. No one will pray over it.
Sasha was the second child listed on Reece's Rainbow to die as an orphan since the beginning of 2013. The first one was a little girl with the screen name "Stacy", also with Down syndrome, also recently transferred:
It has been documented that the overwhelming majority (estimated around 85%) of children with Down syndrome who are placed in these "mental institutions" die within a year of transfer.
How many more will needlessly die this year, for want of food, medical care, and LOVE?
Adonay natan. Adonai lakakh. Yehi shem Adonai mevorakh.
The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.
They were going to name him Jonathan - "The Lord gave".
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Serbian mental institutions revisited
NBC News just put up a 3-part series on the predicament of children and adults with special needs in Serbia. This contains much footage from a much shorter (and very disturbing) 2008 video, but also includes followups, as well as a look into the very real dilemma faced by Serbian parents of special needs infants, as they must choose between relinquishing their child to these horrible places, or trying to raise a disabled child without medical or educational resources, and often without the support of family.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Double happy ending/beginning
Two families caught in the Russian Adoption Ban limbo found themselves waiting in the same Moscow hotel for court decrees for their new children. These children are both about 4-5 years old. One is a boy, now known as Gabe Preece:
And the other is a girl, Vika Bonner:
Although these munchkins were in 2 separate orphanages, they are now good friends, embarking on this amazing experience of having a family.
These are examples of children who are rescued from institutional life while still in "Baby Houses", where they get to play, interact with loving caretakers, and develop basic skills. Of course there is still much ground to cover once they get home, in terms of medical care, therapy, level of attention etc., but these are children who can walk, talk, play appropriately, and give and receive affection.
It's fun reading their stories side by side.
And the other is a girl, Vika Bonner:
Although these munchkins were in 2 separate orphanages, they are now good friends, embarking on this amazing experience of having a family.
These are examples of children who are rescued from institutional life while still in "Baby Houses", where they get to play, interact with loving caretakers, and develop basic skills. Of course there is still much ground to cover once they get home, in terms of medical care, therapy, level of attention etc., but these are children who can walk, talk, play appropriately, and give and receive affection.
It's fun reading their stories side by side.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
One Year
It seems that Russia has decided to honor the bilateral agreement reached last year, and delay putting the ban on adoption by Americans until January 2014.
This is great news! There are nearly 50 American families who have already completed all the legal steps of their Russian adoptions -- their children have been assigned to them legally by Russian courts -- who have been holding their breaths for the last 2 weeks for fear that they would not be permitted to bring their children home. They will now be able to do so. There are hundreds of other families at various stages in the process, who will also (hopefully) be able to complete their adoptions.
This is also a window of opportunity for the rest of us. One year. One year in which to complete a home-study, submit a dossier, and make 3 trips to Russia to bring home a child before the gates shut. Yes, there are many needy orphans elsewhere in the world, including here in U.S. foster care. A year later they will be.... a year older. A year later, Russian orphans will no longer be eligible for adoption by Americans. Americans have consistently adopted more Russian children than any other country. Being wealthier on average means that we can better afford the costs of adoption than most Europeans. We have extensive medical and educational facilities for addressing the special needs of most adoptees.
Let us take action in 2013 -- reach out to our communities, and support families who are willing to take this leap -- maybe even take this leap ourselves! Let's see how many Russian orphans can be rescued this year.
And who knows, the law might just be amended or abolished in the meantime.
This is great news! There are nearly 50 American families who have already completed all the legal steps of their Russian adoptions -- their children have been assigned to them legally by Russian courts -- who have been holding their breaths for the last 2 weeks for fear that they would not be permitted to bring their children home. They will now be able to do so. There are hundreds of other families at various stages in the process, who will also (hopefully) be able to complete their adoptions.
This is also a window of opportunity for the rest of us. One year. One year in which to complete a home-study, submit a dossier, and make 3 trips to Russia to bring home a child before the gates shut. Yes, there are many needy orphans elsewhere in the world, including here in U.S. foster care. A year later they will be.... a year older. A year later, Russian orphans will no longer be eligible for adoption by Americans. Americans have consistently adopted more Russian children than any other country. Being wealthier on average means that we can better afford the costs of adoption than most Europeans. We have extensive medical and educational facilities for addressing the special needs of most adoptees.
Let us take action in 2013 -- reach out to our communities, and support families who are willing to take this leap -- maybe even take this leap ourselves! Let's see how many Russian orphans can be rescued this year.
And who knows, the law might just be amended or abolished in the meantime.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Torah Connection - Va-yechi
By a confluence of the common calendar and the Jewish calendar, the final chapter we read in 2012 is also the final chapter of the book of Genesis. This is the transition from Israel the large family/clan to Israel the People. The story is told, however, through two deaths: the death of Jacob, and the death of Joseph.
Jacob does not seem to have changed much since his youth. He still plays favorites with his sons and grandsons, although he does seem to discriminate between them based on character traits rather than subjective affinity. With respect to his grandsons Ephraim and Menashe, he continues the tradition of favoring the younger over the elder: Kane vs. Abel, Ishmael vs. Isaac, Esau vs. Jacob, Rachel vs. Leah, Joseph vs. his brothers. He also repeats this in the blessings to his own children: Judah is favored over Leah's other sons, and Zebulun is favored over Issachar. This is a theme that has dominated Jacob's entire life, and it persists right to the end.
Joseph, on the other hand, has learned true humility and generosity. After the death of their father, the other brothers fear that Joseph may take vengeance upon them. Instead, he responds,
'Don't be afraid,' said Joseph to them. 'Shall I then take God's place?
Vayomer alehem Yosef al-tira'u ki hatachat Elohim ani.
You might have meant to do me harm [but] God made it come out good. [He made] it come out as it actually did, where the life of a great nation has been preserved.
Ve'atem chashavtem alay ra'ah Elohim chashavah letovah lema'an asoh kayom hazeh lehachayot am-rav.
Now don't worry. I will fully provide for you and your children.' He thus comforted them and tried to make up.
Ve'atah al-tira'u anochi achalkel etchem ve'et-tapchem vayenachem otam vayedaber al-libam.
Jacob and Joseph both express their dying wish to be buried in the land of their forefathers. Joseph fulfills his father's wish promptly, mourning him with "a very great and solemn lamentation". Jacob is embalmed and mourned in Egypt for 70 days before being taken with great ceremony to the Cave of the Patriarchs in Hebron.
Joseph, on the other hand, receives no such treatment. Instead, "...and he was embalmed and placed in a coffin in Egypt." Thus he was left until his descendants carry his remains back to Israel during the Exodus.
========
I am thinking of Joseph's words with respect to the recent Russian ban on American adoptions. It seems like a bad thing, but it can also be seen in the context of Russian reforms of its own child welfare system. At the same time, a proposed amendment to the ban may allow an exception for children with special needs, so that these may get more attention from potential adopters. Finally, this may create the pressure on adoption agencies and facilitators to address corruption and poor oversight, so that future adoptions are less likely to disrupt or result in child abuse/neglect (as can happen when parents are poorly prepared).
Praying for Ivan and Celine.
Praying for Wyatt.
Praying for Nathan.
And all the ones we know about and don't know about, who wait to be "fully provided for".
Jacob does not seem to have changed much since his youth. He still plays favorites with his sons and grandsons, although he does seem to discriminate between them based on character traits rather than subjective affinity. With respect to his grandsons Ephraim and Menashe, he continues the tradition of favoring the younger over the elder: Kane vs. Abel, Ishmael vs. Isaac, Esau vs. Jacob, Rachel vs. Leah, Joseph vs. his brothers. He also repeats this in the blessings to his own children: Judah is favored over Leah's other sons, and Zebulun is favored over Issachar. This is a theme that has dominated Jacob's entire life, and it persists right to the end.
Joseph, on the other hand, has learned true humility and generosity. After the death of their father, the other brothers fear that Joseph may take vengeance upon them. Instead, he responds,
'Don't be afraid,' said Joseph to them. 'Shall I then take God's place?
Vayomer alehem Yosef al-tira'u ki hatachat Elohim ani.
You might have meant to do me harm [but] God made it come out good. [He made] it come out as it actually did, where the life of a great nation has been preserved.
Ve'atem chashavtem alay ra'ah Elohim chashavah letovah lema'an asoh kayom hazeh lehachayot am-rav.
Now don't worry. I will fully provide for you and your children.' He thus comforted them and tried to make up.
Ve'atah al-tira'u anochi achalkel etchem ve'et-tapchem vayenachem otam vayedaber al-libam.
Jacob and Joseph both express their dying wish to be buried in the land of their forefathers. Joseph fulfills his father's wish promptly, mourning him with "a very great and solemn lamentation". Jacob is embalmed and mourned in Egypt for 70 days before being taken with great ceremony to the Cave of the Patriarchs in Hebron.
Joseph, on the other hand, receives no such treatment. Instead, "...and he was embalmed and placed in a coffin in Egypt." Thus he was left until his descendants carry his remains back to Israel during the Exodus.
========
I am thinking of Joseph's words with respect to the recent Russian ban on American adoptions. It seems like a bad thing, but it can also be seen in the context of Russian reforms of its own child welfare system. At the same time, a proposed amendment to the ban may allow an exception for children with special needs, so that these may get more attention from potential adopters. Finally, this may create the pressure on adoption agencies and facilitators to address corruption and poor oversight, so that future adoptions are less likely to disrupt or result in child abuse/neglect (as can happen when parents are poorly prepared).
Praying for Ivan and Celine.
Praying for Wyatt.
Praying for Nathan.
And all the ones we know about and don't know about, who wait to be "fully provided for".
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Are you home-study ready?
Here are 2 children who should get a family quickly. They each have a huge grant for their adoption, so the financial burden on prospective parents is minimized. They are high-functioning and mostly healthy except for their Down syndrome. And they are in Russia, which means that if the adoption ban is signed into law they would have to be adopted quickly, before the gates shut tight.
Here is Ivan:
Ivan is almost 6 years old. He is probably still at the baby house, but not for long. His profile photo is not smiley - is that why he keeps getting passed over? He does look like a cuddle bug! He needs to see a cardiologist for his heart condition, but so far it is not really holding him back. He has some very motivated people fundraising for him, and his grant is over $18K. In addition, his placement agency offers a $10K grant to help qualifying families with his adoption. Since adoptions in his region cost around $30K, that means that if your home-study is already paid for, everything else is covered! Somebody needs to move fast and bring Ivan home!
And this is Celine:
Again, an un-smiley picture. But look at those cheeks! Celine just turned 7, and will be transferred to an institution very soon. Her current orphanage is very good, but she needs a family! She is healthy, sociable and affectionate. Her grant is almost at $30K, but she is located in the St. Petersburg region, where the costs are somewhat higher than in Ivan's region. Still, if your home-study is done, there is not much more left to pay, so you can focus on the paperwork without worrying about fundraising. This region is also more finicky about the adoptive families, so you need to make sure that you qualify.
Mommy? Daddy? Where are you?
Here is Ivan:
And this is Celine:
Mommy? Daddy? Where are you?
Monday, November 19, 2012
Garreth
Bulgaria often releases the files of some children with special needs for a month or two, during which time they are available through adoption agencies. At that point, if no families have committed to them, their files are returned, and they must be specifically requested in order to be adopted.
Garreth is one of these children. He has both Down syndrome and hydrocephalus. He has had surgery for the hydrocephalus, but will certainly need that to be followed up on as he grows. He is 3.5 years old:
His file says:
When an adult appears, Garreth looks at them and maintains eye contact for several seconds. He smiles when jested. He stands when put in a walker. He holds his head upright stably. He remains seated when provided with a stable support. He grabs and plays with toys when they are placed close to him so that he does not have to put much effort in reaching them. His speech activity is at a stage of producing sound combinations and sometimes syllables.
Can you see yourself loving this adorable boy and helping him reach his potential?
Garreth is one of these children. He has both Down syndrome and hydrocephalus. He has had surgery for the hydrocephalus, but will certainly need that to be followed up on as he grows. He is 3.5 years old:
His file says:
When an adult appears, Garreth looks at them and maintains eye contact for several seconds. He smiles when jested. He stands when put in a walker. He holds his head upright stably. He remains seated when provided with a stable support. He grabs and plays with toys when they are placed close to him so that he does not have to put much effort in reaching them. His speech activity is at a stage of producing sound combinations and sometimes syllables.
Can you see yourself loving this adorable boy and helping him reach his potential?
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
31 for 21: Alexander, Elden and Megan
I was thinking today about the Water and Fire metaphors again. The children who are in really bad shape make me want to swoop in and save them, but they are, for that very reason, the ones that pose the greatest challenge both to the family and to the community. I think that the goal is not to be a superhero, but to change the culture in my community so that more children are rescued and more is done to effect social change abroad. So I want to share today about a couple of children with Down syndrome who would be relatively easy to rehabilitate if adopted.
Here is Alexander:
Alexander just turned 6 a couple of months ago, and is apparently "healthy and doing very well". He does seem to have a cardiac anomaly ("supplemental chord of the left ventricle") so would need to be checked out by a cardiologist, but it does not seem to be slowing him down much, as he is "sociable and affectionate". In addition, there is significant financial assistance available for his adoption, both in the form of a $10,000 agency grant and over $8,000 through Reece's Rainbow. This is especially significant for an adoption from Russia, where costs range from $30K to $40K in most regions. Isn't he adorable? Can you imagine his mouth curling up in a smile or opening in an open laugh while his eyes twinkle and sparkle?
From another region of Russia, here is Elden:
Elden is 5, and will not turn 6 until next February. Here is a blog post from last year which includes his file pictures back to when he was 2 and a half.
He also has a large grant through Reece's Rainbow. His region is not far from Moscow, and requires 4 trips, but each one is pretty short (a week or less). Doesn't he look like such a bundle of joy?
From the St. Petersburg region, here is a lovely girl who is 6 going on 7 in December. Megan has the largest Reece's Rainbow grant, over $24,000:
What a beautiful girl, with a great smile! She is "active, assertive and social". Sounds like a spunky little girl! Wouldn't she be a fun addition to your family and community?
Here is Alexander:
Alexander just turned 6 a couple of months ago, and is apparently "healthy and doing very well". He does seem to have a cardiac anomaly ("supplemental chord of the left ventricle") so would need to be checked out by a cardiologist, but it does not seem to be slowing him down much, as he is "sociable and affectionate". In addition, there is significant financial assistance available for his adoption, both in the form of a $10,000 agency grant and over $8,000 through Reece's Rainbow. This is especially significant for an adoption from Russia, where costs range from $30K to $40K in most regions. Isn't he adorable? Can you imagine his mouth curling up in a smile or opening in an open laugh while his eyes twinkle and sparkle?
From another region of Russia, here is Elden:
Elden is 5, and will not turn 6 until next February. Here is a blog post from last year which includes his file pictures back to when he was 2 and a half.
 |
| Age 2.5 |
 |
| Age 3.5 |
He also has a large grant through Reece's Rainbow. His region is not far from Moscow, and requires 4 trips, but each one is pretty short (a week or less). Doesn't he look like such a bundle of joy?
From the St. Petersburg region, here is a lovely girl who is 6 going on 7 in December. Megan has the largest Reece's Rainbow grant, over $24,000:
What a beautiful girl, with a great smile! She is "active, assertive and social". Sounds like a spunky little girl! Wouldn't she be a fun addition to your family and community?
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
31 for 21: Who will save Sasha?
Whoa! Somebody is looking out for Sasha:
Sasha was recently transferred to a remote, underfunded mental institution for older children and adults. He is getting no care or attention there. He is probably grossly underfed and only getting one diaper change a day.
But somehow, his grant at Reece's Rainbow has grown to nearly $10,000 lately. Will that encourage someone to look past Sasha's scary needs and go to that mental institution and rescue him?
His profile speculates on whether he has Cerebral Palsy and/or Autism in addition to Down syndrome. We do not know if his behavior and severely delayed development is caused by these or other possibilities, or just due to institutionalization. We do know that he is TINY! Look at him in the caregiver's hands, like a little baby. He does seem to be holding his head well in the second picture, while in the earlier one he is still flopped over. Am I totally crazy to think that he has the potential to grow and develop? Is there anyone out there "crazy" enough to help him do so?
Sasha was recently transferred to a remote, underfunded mental institution for older children and adults. He is getting no care or attention there. He is probably grossly underfed and only getting one diaper change a day.
But somehow, his grant at Reece's Rainbow has grown to nearly $10,000 lately. Will that encourage someone to look past Sasha's scary needs and go to that mental institution and rescue him?
His profile speculates on whether he has Cerebral Palsy and/or Autism in addition to Down syndrome. We do not know if his behavior and severely delayed development is caused by these or other possibilities, or just due to institutionalization. We do know that he is TINY! Look at him in the caregiver's hands, like a little baby. He does seem to be holding his head well in the second picture, while in the earlier one he is still flopped over. Am I totally crazy to think that he has the potential to grow and develop? Is there anyone out there "crazy" enough to help him do so?
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
31 for 21: Infantile spasms
I just read something about Down syndrome that I didn't know!
Noah's Dad wrote about Infantile Spasms, which apparently occur in 8-10% of all children with Down syndrome. They are easy to miss, and also easy to confuse with other, benign behaviors of Down syndrome children. However, these spasms can lead to severe developmental regression. Apparently there is a very expensive steroid treatment which can reverse the damage. Please read the info at the link. It is fascinating!
This seems to offer an explanation of why most kids with Down syndrome seem to do really well with aggressive therapy, while some seem to be stereotypically "profoundly delayed" -- non-verbal, non-mobile, totally dependent. It also might explain why some of the children in the orphanages are placed in the "laying down" rooms at an early age, and end up doing very poorly. Some of them are even listed with "epilepsy" -- could that be a misdiagnosis of infantile spasms? Certainly, a child who is already delayed due to Down syndrome, compounded by orphanage delays, cannot afford the additional handicap of seizure-induced regression. If they are not seen to be mobile, they are left in their cribs. If they cannot self-feed, their bottles are propped for them. They are not given any opportunities to interact with the environment, and they sink lower and lower. They can be redeemed by a dedicated family, but the effort required for every step of progress is quite intensive!
Most of the orphans with Down syndrome, however, do develop rudimentary skills, which they can build on rapidly when placed in a loving family setting with the usual therapy regimen.
It really puts a different spin on the whole Water and Fire thing.
Noah's Dad wrote about Infantile Spasms, which apparently occur in 8-10% of all children with Down syndrome. They are easy to miss, and also easy to confuse with other, benign behaviors of Down syndrome children. However, these spasms can lead to severe developmental regression. Apparently there is a very expensive steroid treatment which can reverse the damage. Please read the info at the link. It is fascinating!
This seems to offer an explanation of why most kids with Down syndrome seem to do really well with aggressive therapy, while some seem to be stereotypically "profoundly delayed" -- non-verbal, non-mobile, totally dependent. It also might explain why some of the children in the orphanages are placed in the "laying down" rooms at an early age, and end up doing very poorly. Some of them are even listed with "epilepsy" -- could that be a misdiagnosis of infantile spasms? Certainly, a child who is already delayed due to Down syndrome, compounded by orphanage delays, cannot afford the additional handicap of seizure-induced regression. If they are not seen to be mobile, they are left in their cribs. If they cannot self-feed, their bottles are propped for them. They are not given any opportunities to interact with the environment, and they sink lower and lower. They can be redeemed by a dedicated family, but the effort required for every step of progress is quite intensive!
Most of the orphans with Down syndrome, however, do develop rudimentary skills, which they can build on rapidly when placed in a loving family setting with the usual therapy regimen.
It really puts a different spin on the whole Water and Fire thing.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
31 for 21: The greatest special need
Check out the Reece's Rainbow pages for the youngest boys and girls with Down syndrome. They are so squishy and adorable! And so young, that their delays are not severe yet and would easily be overcome with some PT, OT, ST and LT (Love Therapy). However, notice how many of them are from Russia (with a number and a letter after their name -- e.g. 2H is St. Petersburg region, 15H is Moscow, etc.). Russian adoptions are expensive -- usually $35-40K! A few of the children have significant RR grants or agency grants, but the rest are probably going to stay on the rolls, getting older and more delayed.
What a pity -- the greatest special need that holds families back from adopting these kids is the one that is imposed on them by the adoption bureaucracy -- money!
ETA: I did some rough arithmetic, and it would take nearly $4 million to pay for the adoption of the100+ babies and toddlers with Down syndrome listed on RR, about 75% of whom are from Russia.
What a pity -- the greatest special need that holds families back from adopting these kids is the one that is imposed on them by the adoption bureaucracy -- money!
ETA: I did some rough arithmetic, and it would take nearly $4 million to pay for the adoption of the100+ babies and toddlers with Down syndrome listed on RR, about 75% of whom are from Russia.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
A metaphor
I followed a link from Susanna Musser's blog today, and found this metaphor for the predicament of special-needs children trapped in institutions:
I am definitely meeting all of these attitudes as I try to make an impact in this area in my community. I think that those are normal reactions people have. A fire IS scary. Most people DON'T want to run into the blaze to rescue the children. And being concerned for one's pre-existing obligations is valid.
That's where the community project comes in. This is not about individual heroism by itself -- it is about creating an environment where the individual heroism is scaffolded by structures and supports so that these fears and concerns are abated. In fact, what do most people do in a real fire? They call 9-1-1. They bring in fire trucks to put out the fire and ambulances to provide emergency care to the children as they are brought out. They may bring jugs of water or other supplies as needed to set up emergency triage points. Somebody still needs to run in and do the rescuing, but in the context of a shared effort, not an individual act of heroism which, no matter how sincere, can act as a shaming to those who do not undertake it.
Matir Asurim will make the 911 call -- raising awareness, both of the dire conditions the children are in, and of the potential of children with special needs when they are raised in loving families with access to medical care and educational and social opportunities.
Matir Asurim will bring the fire trucks -- participating in in-country efforts to improve conditions in orphanages
Matir Asurim will bring the ambulances -- participating in charities and other organizations which bring life-saving medical care to children both in the orphanages and post-adoption
Matir Asurim will bring jugs of water -- support adopters in caring for children with special needs who are recovering from the effects of years of institutionalization. This would include both logistical and material help, as well as emotional and spiritual support.
My vision for Matir Asurim is that rather than requiring the heroic few to run in repeatedly until all are saved, whatever the cost, that more and more resources from the community will be brought in, so that saving a child is seen as a normal thing to do.
Now that is a "new normal" to aspire to!
Imagine...You are walking along a street and see that a house is on fire. There are flames pouring out every where! Hot flames...smoke pouring out of every crack and window. You get as close as you can to see if there is someone in the house - only to see the house is FULL of children. Children whose cries you cannot hear -but you just see each of their little faces as the flames are creeping closer, burning holes in their clothing and choking their every breath. You are horrified beyond your wildest nightmares. You start shouting for help to all those passing by. "Help me save these children! Help me get this one, and this one, and this one!'This blogger goes on to bemoan the lack of community support after she has gone in to save a child:
But to your amazement, people glance at you and walk away. Others say, "I am not equipped to fight fires, I am so sorry. Good luck. I support your efforts." Others wring their hands for a few moments, then say, "There are too many of them. What good will saving one do? It is only one of hundreds. Why try?" Even others say, "Why put your life at risk? Why change your day to help them? What of your own family? They are your responsibility, not these ones." One even had the nerve to say, "God wants to give you good gifts, He wants you happy - this will make your day hard. I can't imagine He would expect you to do this."
Finally, you see a few people running into the house. To your relief, these people are grabbing as many children as they can. They run them out to the arms of the rescuer's family and race back into to grab as many as they can carry.
They say that they could understand you feeling like you needed to save one -as they glance cautiously at the little one that you just risked your life for....that you were willing to GIVE your life for......but they really can't understand why you would go for another. Haven't you sacrificed enough? Some are even saying that you are selfish! They are saying that when you race into that house, it makes them uncomfortable. It distracts them from the things that they have to think about that day. You try to reason with them, but their faces are full of pity for you! Pity that you have obviously lost all common sense.
I am definitely meeting all of these attitudes as I try to make an impact in this area in my community. I think that those are normal reactions people have. A fire IS scary. Most people DON'T want to run into the blaze to rescue the children. And being concerned for one's pre-existing obligations is valid.
That's where the community project comes in. This is not about individual heroism by itself -- it is about creating an environment where the individual heroism is scaffolded by structures and supports so that these fears and concerns are abated. In fact, what do most people do in a real fire? They call 9-1-1. They bring in fire trucks to put out the fire and ambulances to provide emergency care to the children as they are brought out. They may bring jugs of water or other supplies as needed to set up emergency triage points. Somebody still needs to run in and do the rescuing, but in the context of a shared effort, not an individual act of heroism which, no matter how sincere, can act as a shaming to those who do not undertake it.
Matir Asurim will make the 911 call -- raising awareness, both of the dire conditions the children are in, and of the potential of children with special needs when they are raised in loving families with access to medical care and educational and social opportunities.
Matir Asurim will bring the fire trucks -- participating in in-country efforts to improve conditions in orphanages
Matir Asurim will bring the ambulances -- participating in charities and other organizations which bring life-saving medical care to children both in the orphanages and post-adoption
Matir Asurim will bring jugs of water -- support adopters in caring for children with special needs who are recovering from the effects of years of institutionalization. This would include both logistical and material help, as well as emotional and spiritual support.
My vision for Matir Asurim is that rather than requiring the heroic few to run in repeatedly until all are saved, whatever the cost, that more and more resources from the community will be brought in, so that saving a child is seen as a normal thing to do.
Now that is a "new normal" to aspire to!
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Even in the best cases....
I have written a lot about what happens to children with severe cognitive or physical disabilities in the orphanages and institutions of Eastern Europe (and elsewhere). How children who are deemed unworthy are left to waste away in cribs.
But what about children who have only mild or no disability? Or who have been abandoned to orphanages due to poverty? How do they fare as wards of the state?
Renee and her husband have just completed the adoption of 3 children from Ukraine, less than a year after adopting a little girl with Cerebral Palsy. Two of the children were adopted out of the "Baby House", but the third had already been transferred to the older child orphanage. This is not a mental institution. The children go to some kind of school, get to play outside, and develop basic competencies.
But it is NOT a good place.
PLEASE READ this account of what Renee learned about her son's experiences in the few months after transfer once she brought him home (and took him straight to the Children's Hospital....).
But what about children who have only mild or no disability? Or who have been abandoned to orphanages due to poverty? How do they fare as wards of the state?
Renee and her husband have just completed the adoption of 3 children from Ukraine, less than a year after adopting a little girl with Cerebral Palsy. Two of the children were adopted out of the "Baby House", but the third had already been transferred to the older child orphanage. This is not a mental institution. The children go to some kind of school, get to play outside, and develop basic competencies.
But it is NOT a good place.
PLEASE READ this account of what Renee learned about her son's experiences in the few months after transfer once she brought him home (and took him straight to the Children's Hospital....).
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